A disaster waiting to happen

I have a friend who just bought a house with her boyfriend. Happy news normally, but with this friend I have this sneaking suspicion that it's a disaster waiting to happen. This is because it is the same friend who was "accidentally on purpose" trying to get pregnant.

You may have remembered my post a while back about this girl. Her step-father decided to give her a chunk of cash. A large chunk of cash, with the hopes that she would use it to buy a home. She's in her early thirties, and currently renting so this would give her the in that she needed to get on the property ladder. Well she decided to buy a house with her boyfriend. The same boyfriend that won't share his work schedule with her even after two years together. The same boyfriend who can't have a serious talk about their relationship without being drunk or on MSN (!!!). The same boyfriend who after an argument with her will just not talk to her for a week. You get where I'm going with this.

She's a co-worker of mine also and all of us girls at work (we're all friends outside of work as well) have been trying to get her to be cautious. To be careful of her investment and sign an agreement protecting her investment, as she's providing the entire down payment on the house. She broached the subject with him and he flipped. He took her apartment keys off his key ring and gave them back to her, and told her that he didn't want to "do this" and more. I forgot to mention that she has major daddy issues.

(The Coles notes version is that her dad skipped out on her and mom, grew up just her and her mother. She has a very low self-esteem. Long string of highly dysfunctional relationships with men. This current dysfunctional relationship is the most functional of them all.)

So the thought of living without him was too much for her and she decided that she would do whatever it took to keep him in her life, and she agrees to purchase the home with him without an agreement. So now he will own half of a home even though all the equity is hers alone, and they will both be on the title. He could leave her next month, and get 50% of the sale of the house. It's a mess.

All of us have tried to get her to see how unhealthy this relationship is, but it's all been for nothing. She's admitted that she's had doubts about the relationship, but refuses to do anything about it. The boyfriend knows how badly she wants the marriage, the house, and kids that he manipulates her every chance he gets. After one discussion about commitment, he went as far as to compare their relationship with the one Andre and I have. He told her that Andre may have loved me enough to buy me a ring and marry me, but he loves her more than Andre loves me. Yeah, I know. She announced this to everyone at lunch one day, everyone kind of just sat with their mouths open, speechless.

Needless to say this "profession of love" kept my friend going for months and months. She's 4 years older than I am and desperately wants what Andre and I have, and he knew this. Everyone can see the writing on the wall except for her. Most of the time I alternate between wanting to hug her and shake her and make her see what is going on.

I see what is going on and how badly this could all go for her, but like anything you can't make someone see something they don't want to see. I just have to step back, and pray for the best.