Ovaries meet Puregon

I had my latest follie check this morning. It was just as I suspected, no response. This time I wasn't upset, I expected it. I know that I should never go into a cycle expecting failure, but I needed to to protect myself. There was that glimmer of optimism with the first check, but this one I just wanted it to be over, be done with Clomid.

The ultrasound technician tried really hard, and by hard, I mean she warned me it would hurt (and it did). She really wanted to make sure that she didn't overlook anything. But there was nothing there to overlook. Now don't get me wrong, there are follicles, but they are much too small. Like I mentioned before a mature follicle needs to be around 20mm, and mine were all under 10, on the 14th day of my cycle. The tech told me to talk to Dr C if I had time this morning so after getting my b/w done I waited to talk to him.

The first words out of his mouth when reviewing the results were "no response" the words I'm so used to hearing. He gave me two options for going forward: 1) wait another 3-4 days then come back for a follow up u/s and b/w to see if Clomid was going to do anything at all OR 2) move right on to injectable medications. For me it was a no brainer. I told him I didn't feel that 3-4 days would make any difference in my response. I wanted to move onto injectables. He agreed.

So this evening armed with the Puregon website on my laptop, and Andre by my side I got over my lifelong phobia of needles, and injected myself. Oh.my.goodness! I can't believe I was actually able to do it. I am so proud of myself! The plan now is to inject myself with 35iu (international units) of Puregon (which is FSH-Follicle Stimulating Hormone), each night for three nights, and then have a follow up exam on Saturday morning.

I think the only way to describe how I feel is excited! Aside from our first Clomid cycle, I feel hope. I feel like we have a shot. I feel like this could be the cycle for us. I know as well that this attitude could lead to something very bad if it's not successful, but like Andre says, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it. For now I'm going to live in that little bubble of optimism, daydreaming what it will be like to see those two little lines on a pregnancy test.

All Clear!

Well I had the HSG done this morning, and I got the all clear. Everyone kept telling me how cool it would be to see my uterus and fallopian tubes on screen, but the way the room was situated I didn't get a chance to see anything :o(

It was over super quick though. Everything I had read about the procedure said that the entire thing would last around 5 minutes. I think the entire test lasted around 2 minutes! It was a little uncomfortable, comparable to a Pap test I guess. The real pain came after. They did the test, he told me it was done and everything was normal, and unblocked, then the nurse ushered me into a washroom with a pad that was probably made in 1970, it was so thick. As I was getting dressed the cramping really started. For about a half hour/45 minutes I had really bad cramping, but then it went away. The cramping afterwards felt worse than the actual test did amazingly enough.

Before the test I had my first follie check of this cycle. It was just as the other two failed Clomid cycles started; quite a few small follicles, but none even close to 10mm. I was not upset though since I didn't have my hopes up that the Clomid would actually work this time. I didn't hear back from the clinic this afternoon about what my next step is though, which is super frustrating! I left a message, and I know the clinic is open tomorrow (a Saturday), so I hope that someone will return my call tomorrow instead of making me wait till Monday.

I think now I am going to rest since I am in the midst of the head cold from hell. Tylenol Sinus is calling my name.

Welcome to Crazytown

Population: Me

Or at least that is how I feel while I am on Clomid. I don't know what it is about that drug, but it's like all common sense and normalcy leave my body, and all that is left is this hysterical, crazy person. Not fun.

So if you haven't guessed I am once again on the Clomid bandwagon. I had my baseline b/w and u/s done on Friday morning which was CD2. We discussed some options about what the next step could be since the previous two cycles on Clomid were non-responsive. The RE asked about my symptoms and since I don't have a history of some of the more horrible Clomid side effects (headaches/migraines, vision disturbances) he decided to try one more time. This time he prescribed 150mg. I am not looking forward to the craziness. I'm crossing my fingers the maniacal mood swings last cycle were a fluke, and I will be cool as a cucumber this time. Only time will tell.

He did tell me that if when I go in for my first follie check this coming Friday that there has been no response, that he will immediately start another different medication. I will not have to wait for this cycle to be ended yet again with another dose of Provera. I also made a big stink about not having a Hysterosalpinogram, otherwise known as an HSG, so I have one of those booked on Friday morning as well.

An HSG is one of the first tests that most RE's recommend that their patients before beginning fertility treatments. My RE is of the opinion (I'm not saying it's the right opinion) that if you are of a lower risk for fallopian tube blockages, he will wait until there is an unsuccessful cycle (ie. ovulation, but no pregnancy) before ordering one to be done. Well I changed my mind about halfway through the second Clomid cycle. I decided that I wasn't willing to go through the emotional roller coaster of another cycle if he wasn't going to order one. So at 11:30 on Friday morning I will have dye shot through my fallopian tubes. Doesn't that sound like fun?

My mother along with two of my friends have had this procedure done. My mother and one of my friends said that it was no big deal. My other friend said it was one of the most painful things she has had to go through. Altogether the procedure is suppose to last around 5 minutes. I'll give you my verdict later on on Friday. Since I have no clue how I am going to feel, and since I can only take Tylenol beforehand (this sucks so much) I booked the afternoon off. I decided that if having someone insert a catheter through your cervix and then shoot dye through your reproductive organs doesn't constitute a "mental health day" then I don't know what does. That and I'm already working Saturday, so when you think about it it's like I'm not really taking any time off.

Cycle #2 of Clomid=FAIL

For the second time I have gone for my last follie check around CD21-22 only to find that instead of the Clomid producing follicles they have disappeared. 7 out of 8 of my follicles were gone. I have one remaining on my left ovary, so I will be heading into the clinic on CD3 for my first visit with the dildo cam of the cycle. I am NOT looking forward to that at all. The danger with one follicle remaining is that it will remain and turn into a cyst. Fertility drugs do very bad things to cysts, and a cyst could grow and eventually rupture causing damage. This is something that RE's monitor, so this can be avoided.

I was given another prescription for Provera. We haven't discussed what I will be taking next cycle, but it was decided at my second check this cycle that I would be starting a different medication, and not trying a higher dose of Clomid. At this point the two options would be Femara, or Injectibles. Now I just have to wait out the next two weeks until we find out what the next plan is.

Stay tuned.

I'm Baaaaack

Well I wasn't really gone, but decided to get off my butt and do a blog entry today. I promised my friend Mary Ann that I would do and update and recipe, so I am accountable!

I hate to say it but it looks like cycle #2 on Clomid is looking like a big fat fail. I had my first Follie Check (follicle check) last Wednesday. That was CD10. The good news was that I had 4 follicles on each ovary. The bad news was that they were all under 10mm and the biggest on each side was only 6mm. To give you a good reference, a mature follicle is around 20mm. See, mine were small. The lab tech is always so nice. She had "the look" on her face, but still told me "It's still early!" in her Romanian accent.

After a week spent in a emotionless haze, I was back again this morning for my second follie check. More dismal news. It was CD15 today and my follicles had not grown. Not the news I was dying to hear. It seems that I had shed all my tears last week so the remaining emotion today is just frustration. I have not ovulated since April 1, 2009. It has been 397 days since Andre and I last had a chance at getting pregnant. I would just like a chance, just one chance. Instead I count the days until I have to take some drug to give me my period.

::Le Sigh::

The worst part of this morning is that Dr. C wasn't in the office yet this morning when I was getting my b/w and u/s done. So instead of having a meeting with him immediately I had to wait until he had a chance to review my results. They finally called just a little bit ago. Dr C agreed that I am not responding to the Clomid (although the nurse assured me that anything could happen over the next week). I have to go back next Monday for yet another follie check. If at that time there is no response I am going to start Provera again. Oh Joy! The only difference is that they won't be doing Clomid again. We will be doing a different treatment. I have no idea what that will be, so I will be discussing that with him then.

So now I just sit and wait.

Here we go again!

I am officially in the midst of my second cycle on Clomid. Things are going a little differently this cycle. Last time I had virtually no side-effects. I wanted water all the time, but I go through phases like that normally, so I didn't really think anything of that. I also had a night or two of night sweats, but with the temperature fluctuations lately I really didn't think anything of it. All in all aside from it being a dismal failure I didn't do too badly the first time.

I started taking the pills Wednesday night. Thursday went okay. I felt like I was in a little bit of a foul mood, but sometimes that happens when dealing with stupid people on the phone at work right? Well Friday, hmmm, well I could definitely tell that my moods were being affected. I didn't feel like myself. I almost full on did the "OMG, could you be any more of a pain" sigh on the phone when booking an appointment. Thankfully I didn't but I wanted to. Have I mentioned before that I work in a 99% female office? Yeah, this was not a good thing Friday. One of the girls was sick and bitchy and coughing everywhere, she was irritating me. Then another girl was wound so tightly I swear to God she squeaked when she walked. She had this manic energy about her that just made me want to scream. I was on the verge of screaming and telling everyone they should just shut the eff up because they were being stupid, but I didn't.

The icing on the perverbial cake was when I was leaving work to catch the bus to go home. I walked to the crosswalk, pressed the button, waited till the hand illuminated so I could walk, checked for cars turning left and looked their way and began to cross. Then this ASSHAT came barreling into the intersection not bothering to check that there was a pedestrian crossing LEGALLY and I swear, he was 3 feet from hitting me. If it wasn't for the very frail old couple waiting at the bus stop at the other side of the street I swear I would've gone postal beating this car with my purse and tote bag. It would have been quite a show for sure. Instead I muttered obsenities, glared at the jerk and continued to cross. It took all my self control, let me tell you!

I was so angry! Not just regular angry, but in-laws-requesting-more-guests-a-week-before-the-wedding-crazy! So what was a girl to do? Pull out the big guns that's what. I did what any self respecting 30-something would do. I went home and made myself a drink. Not just any drink, but a chocolate martini. It's like Valium in a glass. It's my signature drink. I once drank 5 at a night out and the waitress was so impressed that I could drink that much and still walk (somewhat assisted) that she gave me a set of martini glasses. I still have them. But I digress....

Yes, I went home, called my mother, dug out my martini glasses and cocktail shaker and made two very excellent Chocolate Martini's. We sat, bitched about our crap days and let the wonderful chocolate/vodka goodness take over. It was heaven in a glass. The best part I was nice and relaxed when Andre got home. I figured after all the moodiness I put him through the least I could do is be in a liquor induced calm when he got home from work.

I couldn't help but hope that maybe just maybe that could be my last chocolate martini for awhile if we're successful this cycle..... ::le sigh::

I will end this blog entry with a recipe for:

Jenna's Amazing Chocolate Martini's!!
(well they're not mine, I got the recipe from some book, but whatever!)

1 oz of vodka (your favourite kind)
1 oz of Creme de Cacao (the clear one)
(for those that find regular vodka too strong, you may substitute Vanilla Vodka)

Pour into a cocktail shake filled with ice, shake and pour into a martini glass. Enjoy!!