This year more than any other it has taken me the longest to find my Christmas spirit. Things have been so crazy at work, with everyone needing that last appointment in before the holidays, my mind has been reeling for the past few weeks as we were on the roller coaster ride of our lives trying to finalize all the details of the purchase of our first home. In the back of my mind I was just praying for it to all stop so I could prepare for the holidays.
Now ready or not, Christmas is here, and oddly enough after a blow-up with my grandmother I have finally found my Christmas Spirit.{Copy of fight as posted on message board:
That's right. Christmas Eve Day, fighting with my grandmother on the phone. It didn't start out that way though.
Back Story: My uncle is staying with my grandmother right now and didn't want to come to dinner tomorrow. Fine, whatever. My grandmother has been changing her mind everyday about whether she's coming to dinner. One day she is, the next day she won't leave him home alone. Every Christmas my grandmother puts on this one woman pity party crying fest that lasts all day. All of us are sick of it.
So I call today to ask her a question about cooking cabbage rolls. Then I ask her if her and my uncle are coming to dinner b/c if they are I'm obviously bringing more cabbage rolls. She says she doesn't know. I ask her why. She says she won't leave my uncle. I tell her that if he wants to sit at home all day sulking then let him, nothing is stopping her from coming to dinner. She says he won't be sulking, I ask if he's not sulking then what is he doing? She won't answer.
She then says that I know that the holidays are hard for her (referring to pity party cry fest). I ask her why it's so hard (now she's crying). She says that it's just hard for her.
Now it's time to lose it. I'm sick and tired of her being Debbie Downer every Christmas. I realize it's hard for her, but it's hard for everyone all the time. I tell her that every year at Christmas she just sits and cries all day. That sometimes you just have to suck it up. I tell her that Andre and I have our struggles, my parents have their struggles, but we're thankful for the blessings in our life.
I tell her that she should sit and be thankful for the blessings she has. She should thank God she has a family, and a family that loves her. She has her health, and her family is healthy. She should be thankful that she has a roof over her head and food that she can eat. Years of frustration with her just came out of my mouth.
She got all angry on the phone and said that she hopes one day I get depressed and know what she's going through. I told her that I have, that depression runs in our family, and that every single one of us has struggled with some level of depression. Then she blurts out "Well I'm sorry I'm not you!" and then hung up the phone.
I was so angry I was shaking. I had to call DH at work and talk to him. Thankfully he had a minute. Then I called my mother. They both told me not to worry and that someone had to tell her the truth. I feel badly that I might've upset her (when it truly wasn't my intention to do that), but I'm just sick of her bringing everyone down all the time. We are all truly blessed, and she just refuses to see it. }
I have heard from so many people that they feel this year especially, how the focus has been on things. Maybe it's just the usual consumerism sneaking up on us, maybe it's the economic crisis, who knows. It's like I had this awakening about how much I truly have to be thankful for this Christmas. How more than ever with all the uncertainty we had in our lives, I realize that sometimes when we feel like everything is upside down and backwards, there is a reason for it all. That everyone around us was right, things will work out for the best. We just have to be patient.
So to celebrate this Christmas season, I am going to list the many gifts that surround me every day.
First off, my wonderful husband Andre. We may not agree on everything, but he is my rock. The one person that I know will and has stood beside me though many of life's challenges. I love him so much.
My family. We may be flawed, I may think they're from another planet most of the time, but they're mine, and I love them.
My Friends. The ones that are close to us and far away. The ones that I have a chance to see during our week, or may only have a chance to "talk" to via our computer. They may not realize it, but they add so much to both my life, and Andre's.
My job. To be able to work with some very amazing people everyday, and make a difference in the lives of other people everyday is a truly amazing thing.
Our home. This being our tiny apartment now, and also our house, that will be ours in just 5 short weeks. This has been our dream to have a home for a long time, and something we didn't think was possible right now. I am so grateful for all the help and support that we received when I thought that our dream of owning was just that, a dream.
To everyone out there who reads this, I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas, and the best in 2009!
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