The reason it has become more frequent is that my best friend Pam(who I have mentioned in a previous post) and her husband gave birth to their beautiful little girl, Abigail Marie on August 9, 2008.
I have learned the secret answer for most people is the short and sweet "We're just not ready to loose our sleep right now, ha ha ha". That seems to make them smile and move onto some other topic of conversation. I find it's much more polite than "Bugger off and mind your own business" which is what I would really like to say to most people. Now the people that are close to us know the real answer. The much longer, complex answer.
They know about my job, and how I would not get maternity leave thus making the decision to have a child that much more difficult (financially anyway), they know of my intense worrying about our combined health histories, and my anxiety of passing on the MS or Lupus gene to one of our potential children. They know of my desire to have a house, a home of our own first, and my more selfish desire to have one more fun in the sun tropical vacation before I push out a child. How do you express all of this to a mere acquaintance without seeming like a complete neurotic?
What no one knows is that I was patiently waiting for the birth of that baby. To see this wonderful little human who I had been feeling move in my best friend's stomach for months now, but also viewing it as a test. A test to see if this little bundle would kick my biological clock into high gear or do the opposite and press the pause button for a little longer.
I sat in the hospital holding the little bundle. Her little (well big really, she was 8 lbs, 8 ozs) body fitting perfectly in my arms. Her limbs still moving slowly as if still floating in her own little ocean. Then I realized something, I realized that I wasn't feeling anything. I wasn't feeling like I needed to go home and throw out the birth control and jump my husband. Instead it only cemented how not ready I was for this huge life changing event.
One look at my best friend who was sitting on her hospital bed simultaneously managing to look like she wanted to laugh, cry, scream, pull her hair out and then climb under her bed and hide. This only cemented that I was in no way ready to become one of those freaked out first-time moms just yet.
It's funny, if you had asked the 21 year old me where I thought I would be at 30 (just over a half year away now!) I would say, career, married, house and baby on the way. Well, two out of four ain't bad! The strangest part is that I realized that I was okay with this. I was really okay with where my life is at the moment. This isn't to say that I don't occasionally have a one man pity party where I lament on how much I think my life sucks monkey balls at that current moment, but overall I'm content.
So all you women out there at the same place in their life as I am, lets raise a drink to sleeping in, late nights, and telling all those nosey buggers out there to mind their own business!
What is a home without children?
Quiet.
~Henny Youngman
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