Friday, January 23, 2009

So close and yet so far....

That is what our closing date is!

We finally arranged a time to get to the lawyers office to sign the final papers. They called us on Wednesday night to tell us to call them Thursday morning to set up an appointment for later that day or Friday. I started laughing when I got the message because we were both scheduled to work super late Thursday, and then Andre was working til 7pm Friday (tonight) so it just wasn't going to work. So we have an appointment with them 9:30 Monday morning to sign the papers. Then we will be checking our cellphones incessantly I'm sure until they call us to come pick up the keys later on in the day.

Andre doesn't know it but I have a few errands in mind to use up some time that day. It just seems like there is so much left to do! I'm just thankful that working isn't one of them that week. Tonight was my last night and it couldn't have come more quickly. My brain has totally been in "house" mode and I have been booking appointments on the wrong day, or not booking them in at all. It has not been good. Thankfully today was my last day until after the move, so I cannot screw up anything else now! I think I've caught and fixed everything that I messed up, so it's all good (I hope!).

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Countdown is on!

It's hard to believe that in just one week tomorrow we will be getting the keys to our new home, and that in just 12 days I could be blogging in my new office! It's been such a roller coaster, but we're definitely getting excited now.

After a week of nagging our agent we were able to set up a time for a final viewing yesterday, and I asked my mother to come with me to help me make a list of the little things we need to get, and then Andre invited his parents along since his mother had yet to see the house. She really liked it. We now have a better idea of what we'll have to get done the week that we get the keys, so I just have to start on a list.

I was sitting at the apartment and I was thinking to myself that I really won't miss being here. It served a purpose while we needed it, but it was our home because that is what we made it. It will take some time, but our new house will be our home soon. It just needs a little bit of work.

A good home must be made, not bought.

~Joyce Maynard

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I'm Broken

Yes, that's right, I'm broken. I don't work the way I should. Andre should return me and ask for an exchange.

I took my last birth control pill in October. Almost three months ago now. I haven't had a period since. I've done some reading (and talking to other women) and I know that it can take many months before your cycles will return to normal, but it feels like my worse fears have been realized.

Before I went on the pill my cycles were all over the place. A few months they would arrive like clockwork, and then things would go all crazy and I would get maybe 3 periods in one year. I mentioned it to my doctor and their answer was "well if we put you on the pill that will be fixed." Now older wiser and actually contemplating have children in the next few years I realize that there could have been other things going on. That I might have been ovulating only sporadically or worse yet, not at all.

I mentioned to Andre about a month ago that I hadn't had a period since I went off the pill. His face kind of dropped. I had shared why I wanted to go off the pill a year before we wanted to start trying to have a baby. He asked me if I was afraid. I told him that I was, but that I wasn't going to allow myself to think about it until we absolutely had to. He asked me I was going to go to the doctor, but I told him no. There's nothing that the doctor could do for me. I hadn't been off the pill long enough, and we weren't actively trying to get pregnant anyway.

Today I found myself feeling moody and "off", so I find myself dwelling. I started thinking of my mother calling me twice this week to announce that two women we know "accidentally" found themselves pregnant. I wonder if Andre and I will ever get to be parents. I worry that we'll be one of those couples that is forced to make the choice of using fertility drugs, but realistically I know that that might not be a financial reality for us, and either would the cost of adoption.

I was visiting my friend Pam and her beautiful little baby Abbey on New Years Eve during the day and Pam and to run to her grandmothers for something. Abbey and I were sitting on the couch together and I was watching her laugh and smile at me. I realized at that moment holding her that I wanted to be a mother one day, with all my heart I wanted that. Then I closed my eyes and prayed to God that one day he would let that happen.