So what's new?

As I logged on here this morning I realized that I have really been neglecting this blog. So much for trying to share my ramblings with the world, or well more accurately, just myself.

Part of the lack of bloggage (I know, I just made it up) is that there really hasn't been that much excitement going on here. No snow storms, nothing newsworthy. In fact, I realized during the course of my work week last week that I am quite boring. Or as I like to call it "stuck in a holding pattern". Sounds much better than plain old boring.

With my job I see a ton of people through the course of the week. And when I do see these people we're usually in the same room together for up to an hour at a time, so the regulars and I tend to get to know each other fairly well. All these people inevitably leads to the polite conversation that (hopefully) leads to the less boring conversation. "So what's new?" Not horrible a question really. But when countless times a day 5 days a week, it can be very annoying.

My answer you ask? Well it all depended on the person. How well I knew them, how well they knew me, and how in depth an answer they would expect. For most people the typical flip response was given: "Same stuff, different day." Which for the most part is true.

I mean, how many people want to know that I haven't really been feeling like myself lately? How many people want to know that every morning I wake up and do a mental calculation of how many hours will pass before I get to climb back into bed that night? How many people want to know that although I thank God everyday for my husband, my career, our small, but comfy apartment, my health, and my family and friends, I long for something more? I dream of the day when we will finally be ready to own our own home, the time when we will be ready to start a family of our own. Lately no matter how many times I remind myself of the blessings in my life (I have many) I just feel a hollowness, a void.

I wake up every morning and go through the motions. Unfortunately I've become very good at it. I know what to say to what person. I know when to call my family and friends so they won't suspect that I'm avoiding them, and more importantly what to say so they don't think anything is wrong. Only my darling Andre, knows about this void, and even he doesn't even know the extent of how deeply I feel it. My best friend I think has suspected something in moments of weakness on my part, but I *think* I was able to recover quickly enough.

Hopefully as the snow melts and flows away so will this discontentment that I have been feeling.

Now in the hopes of ending this blog on a slightly more upbeat note I will finish with a picture of our cat that Andre snapped earlier this month.