Mr and Mrs M

The holidays are here again

2011-12-16T23:05:00.002-05:00

With all the stress that goes along with it!

I have to confess that I'm a little Scrooge when it comes to Christmas. I find the holidays stressful, too materialistic, too rushed, the list goes on and on. I hate that it takes sometimes MONTHS to get ready for Christmas for it all to be over in a matter of hours. It's just not fair I tell you! Never mind all the family stress that goes along with Christmas.

This year is a little different. I'm dying to see Emilie on Christmas morning open her presents and play with the wrapping paper. I think it will be so exciting. We have one present in particular that I know she will just love, and I think she is just at the perfect stage developmentally for it as well, so I think she will really get a lot of use out of it. At the same time I dread Christmas dinner at my parents small home. There will possibly be about 17 people in my parents townhouse. The entire main floor is going to be transformed into a huge dining room, and their basement is a giant storage area, so is absolutely unusable. Being that Emilie is now a lean, mean, crawling machine, I am super stressed about this.

To make matters even more stressful my mother-in-law has decided that she is allergic to our cat this year and will be unable to make it for Christmas dinner. Normally I would just say it's her loss and rejoice that I don't have to put up with her eccentricities overnight, we now have Emilie, and I feel it's important for her to see both sets of grandparents for the holidays. Sigh, so I'm being the bigger person, and I suggested to Andre that we pack up everything but the kitchen sink and drive to their place for dinner on Christmas Eve. It should be a gigantic pain in the ass, and I will no doubt spend the entire visit trying to make sure Emilie doesn't get into something she shouldn't, but that's what the holidays are for right?

We did do some fun things though, starting with a little photo shoot with a local photographer. Considering the price (only $40) I am happy with the images. They looked great on our photo Christmas card, so that is a plus. Emilie would not smile at.all the entire time we were with the photographer, and I felt really disappointed when we left, but I think they turned out well regardless. Here are some of the shots that we had taken:

Pictures two, three, and five were used on our Christmas cards this year, which are currently sitting on my dining room table waiting to be written out and mailed sometime this weekend. I am sooooo behind this year.

Last weekend we went to my church's annual Breakfast with Santa. I had helped as a server in the past, and it was something I always thought would be fun to do once I had a family of my own. It was, and we ended up getting some great shots with Santa with Emilie, and Emilie and Joshua. Here are a few:

Emilie bored with breakfast, wanting to see Santa.

Checking him out.

Apparently very happy with her new story book.

Emilie and Santa.

Emilie, Santa, and Josh

Making sure Josh realizes how cool this is.

Josh with Santa

The Working Mother Debate

2011-11-29T21:26:00.001-05:00

Anyone who is a mother has an opinion on this very subject.

I am no different.

Now I live in Canada, the home of hockey, and the one year maternity leave. That is for everyone that is not self-employed. (Now they do have maternity leave benefits for Self Employed people, but it started too late for me to benefit from this.) So Andre and I saved and built up a savings so I could stay home for four months full time with Emilie. Then when Andre was headed home for the summer from work I would head back to work since there was no way we could afford to stay home with half an income over the summer while Andre was off work!

Now I will start by saying that I am incredibly fortunate that I am self employed in that I have a flexible schedule and can bed my schedule. Most people with a traditional job do not have this option. One con to my specific field is that my income relies on the availability of people, ie. working evenings and weekends. My dream would be an 8am-4pm or 9am-5pm work day, but unless the work day of everyone else changes, this just isn't my reality.

I thought I was prepared for being a working mother*. I knew it would be difficult and not without challenges...I had no idea how difficult. I had no clue how isolated I would feel. Aside from one woman I know (also an RMT) no one knows what it is like. It is an incredibly blessing to get to be home with your child for an entire year. I will freely admit that I am envious of everyone who has the opportunity to do so.

There are a lot of women out there that will tell you that it is easier to be a working mother*. I do not agree. For me it is harder, much harder. I cannot be the best mother, the best wife, the best employee all at the same time. Something has to suffer. If someone has figured out how to do everything perfectly I would like to know their secret. I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction at the same time. I have no time for myself. I will admit that this is of my own accord. If I have free time I want to spend it with my daughter. I will never ever get this precious time back. You can't get back their first word, their first laugh, their first crawl, their first anything. Maybe when she is older it will be easier to leave her, until then I don't want to miss anymore firsts than I have to.

I found it easier to get things done when I was at home. When my daughter napped I would tidy the kitchen, throw in a load of laundry, clean the living room. I can't do that when I'm at work. So now my evenings weekends are spent playing catch up. Those days that Emilie would be up screaming for whatever reason throughout the night, I would :gasp: sleep when she was sleeping. Yet another thing that is hard to do when I am at work. I find out about a work function and the first thing I think is "I'll miss more time with Emilie".

I feel overwhelmed all the time. I feel like I'm playing catch up all the time.

For me, being a working mother* is harder, much harder.

*Please note that every time I use the term "working mother" I refer to a mother who works outside of the home. I don't want any nasty comments about how stay at home mothers work too. I am aware of that.

Here I am.

2011-11-29T21:15:00.001-05:00

There have been many moments over the last few months where I have sat where I am sitting at this exact moment, thinking, to myself about how I should get back to blogging. I've found myself craving that release of thoughts like I used to when I was journaling years ago. I even found myself tempted to grab a pen and notebook and start scribbling down thoughts, but then reminded myself that I have a BLOG.

So here I am, again.

I think part of the reason I have resisted blogging is my fear that maybe people will find what I have to say boring, but then I remind myself that I started blogging for me, so I shall continue blogging for me. Hopefully the occasional entry will strike a chord with someone out there along the way.

So here, I am. I hope you'll have me back.

Time keeps slipping away

2011-09-22T16:55:00.000-04:00

I was going through my blog entries, and found that I had done some blogging on my hiatus. This is part of the reason that I have been away from you all....work. It's sucking the life out of me I tell you! So here is my lost blog entry, written originally on September 22nd.

Time seemed to be slipping away quickly before, but now with both of us back to work and the madness now in full swing, each day is passing more quickly than the last. Never enough time for us, never enough time for myself, and never enough time for Emilie, or at least that is how it seems. I find myself in a bit of a funk. Stuck in this limbo that I'm sure all working Mama's can appreciate. How do I make sure that I'm at my best at work? How do I make sure that my little girl is getting all of me at home? How do I make sure that I'm giving my husband enough attention and affection? Right now housekeeping doesn't even figure on the list. Someday it will get on there, but not right now!

Like everything that has to do with parenting it seems I knew it would be hard, but I didn't know how hard. I was a driven career woman for so long, over a decade before I had Emilie. I would joke that my practice was my first baby. Emilie was my second. Now that I have Emilie things have changed, my mindset has changed. I no longer want to stay at work, attend after hours work functions. I want to get my butt out of the clinic as quickly as I can, so I can scoop up my little girl and give her the biggest hug. I feel like I miss out on so much while I am at work.

I've already missed her first drink out of the sippy cup. She tried to get her little legs underneath her in the crawling position for my mother, I was at work for that too. I know it is inevitable, that I'm going to miss things, but it doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't make my heart hurt any less that I missed out on something because I was at work.

Now don't get me wrong. I love my job. I love what I get to do. I get to do two things that I love doing, I get to talk all.day.long, and I get to make people feel better. Can you get any better than that? So I can only imagine how I would feel if I didn't like my job, or worse, hated my job. I know that there are many of you out there in that exact situation. So I count myself lucky in that respect. I have a job that I love, at least once I get here I enjoy myself. It's just getting here.

I think my Boobies are closing up shop

2011-08-04T16:27:00.000-04:00

I think my short and arduous journey into the land of breast feeding is coming to an end. Emilie has been outright refusing the breast during feedings over this last week. I've been meaning to write about my breast feeding experience for so long now. Wanting to share my journey, hoping that maybe it will bring comfort to someone out there. Now that everything is most likely coming to an end, I think now is the time.

I grew up in a home of three girls. My mother exclusively breastfed all three of us. My youngest sister is 8 years younger than me, so as a young girl I learned that babies weren't fed from a bottle, that's what boobies were for. My mother even shared a story of me as a 9 year old sitting outside our home freaking a neighbour right out when I lifted my shirt and put my baby doll to my chest so she could "eat". It just seemed natural. You have a baby, you breastfeed said baby. Easy peasy right?

NO!!!! A million times no!

I heard stories of friends, beautiful stories of their beautiful wrinkly, little newborns being placed on their chest and starting to suckle on their own scootching up to their breast so they can have that first little meal. That was not my reality. My reality was a sleepy, lazy, satisfied little girl who was so full of the fluid they (the doctors) had pumped me full of during my delivery, that she was in no way wanting another meal. All she was interested in was snuggling on my chest for a nice little nap. The closest we got those first few hours was her flicking my nipple around with her tongue, trying to push it away.

::Le Sigh::

Little Emilie was not interested in eating those first few days. Our second night in the hospital she went a full seven, S-E-V-E-N hours between feedings. Not from our lack of trying either. I swear that night I met almost every single nurse on shift. Each one trying their own little trick for trying to wake a sleepy baby to feed. I ended up hand expressing colostrum, squeezing the drops of liquid gold into her mouth, letting her swallow, then starting again. That was a meal for her. The nurses had me strip her down, lay her on my chest, tickle her toes, tickle under her chin, move her arms, move her legs, finally they had me wipe her down with a cold damp cloth. Mean I know, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Even the damp cloth didn't work after awhile. She was not interested in the boob juice.

After about 36 hours of that whole routine to get her to eat, her weight had dropped below the dreaded 10% loss. The midwife gave us two options; either rent a breast pump like that minute, or start supplementing with formula via a tube to get us through until that magic moment when my milk would come in. We happened to have some sample cans of formula in our pantry, so we opted for supplementing. I also booked an appointment for my fourth day post partum with a lactation consultant. We supplemented, and she gained, and the lactation consultant fixed our shallow latch issues, and I bought myself a pump.

I started pumping for 10 minutes after each feeding in the hopes of increasing my supply. The next day (5 days post partum) I had another visit from my midwife. She delivered the dreaded news: I had a low supply. I thought the 20mL I was pumping after each feeding was great, true, it wasn't enough to even supplement the next feeding, but it was okay right? Wrong. She gave me two options, herbs, or Domperidone. I opted for Domperidone. Made an appointment with my family doctor and started that very day.

All I have to say is THANK GOD Andre was home those first three weeks. I honestly would have lost it, seriously lost my mind if it wasn't for him. Feedings were suppose to be this serene time with mom and baby, snuggling. Hahahaha. Not in our house, it was a huge production of stripping Emilie down, changing her bum in the hopes of waking her up a little bit, then trying to get her latched on. And really that was the last thing Emilie wanted to do. My boobies couldn't give her what she wanted so why try right? Once we got her latched it was a rush to get the feeding tube in her mouth so she could down the formula while on the breast. That was assuming she would latch. Sometimes after about 10 minutes of struggling, we would give up and finger feed her. I do not miss those days. Then after the whole production of feeding her I would have to relinquish my little snugly baby who just wanted to be cuddled in favour of my cold, unforgiving breast pump so I would watch Andre get to snuggle Emilie while I sat (crying) in my glider pumping away.

By this point the post partum blues were beginning to set in. The stress of everything was becoming a little bit too much for me. Andre was about to go back to work, and I knew that our routine was not something that I could continue on my own when my late night partner in crime was asleep. I made the decision to drop my after feeding pump sessions overnight, and just supplement with formula what she needed. This was probably the beginning of the end, but when your sanity is hanging by a thread, you choose your sanity.

This lead to a phase of exclusively pumping and supplementing with formula. In the evenings in an effort to calm Emilie I would put her on the breast and she would calm herself by having a little snack. After about a month of pumping, I had enough, my nipples were killing me and I was miserable being stuck to a pump all the time instead of spending time with my daughter, or sleeping, or eating, or well anything.

I was on the verge of giving up all together when Emilie decided that she would actually latch on well and take a little feeding. So in a last ditch effort to continue giving Emilie some breast milk I started offering the breast before each feeding. She would nurse for about 10-15 minutes then finish off with her bottle. Let me just say my beloved daughter has no issue with the dreaded nipple confusion. We have continued with this for about 3 months or so. I think the final blow came with my return to work. Things were going so well, but I have noticed a drop in my lack lustre supply since I've been back to work. This has led to our little Miss outright refusing to nurse the last few days. I see the writing on the wall. I know what is coming. She's had enough. I can't give her what she wants when she wants it. The bottle can.

I found myself crying today while trying to feed her. My nipple leaking and her refusing to nurse because she knows a bottle is coming. At that moment I knew what is to come. I'm still taking Domperidone, but I will probably stop taking it after today. There is no need if she refuses to nurse. I refuse to go back to the pump for the dismal amount of breast milk I can pump. It's not worth the time I have to take away from her. She's thriving. She's happy. She's healthy. I can't complain.

If she will nurse tonight before bed I will savour those last little moments. Just her and I. Something only I can give her. PCOS robbed me of my ability to breast feed exclusively, but it can't take that away from me.

I am an Auntie!

2011-07-30T22:31:00.000-04:00

You may all call me Auntie Jenna.

My little nephew was born via emergency c-section on June 29th, 2011. My sister Carrie went into preterm labour at 33 weeks, and the medication they gave her to stop labour ended up causing her blood pressure to drop dangerously low, thus causing his heart rate to drop dangerously low. It was a very tense day, but little Joshua Joseph was born a full 7 weeks early at exactly 5lbs. He was small, but perfect.

He spent the next 2 and a half weeks in the NICU, and got to come home. It was a great day to finally get to see him, and hold him for the first time.

He has been thriving since he arrived home. At his last weigh in with the family doctor he was a whopping 6lbs, 8ozs. He gained a full pound in his first week home! He has been such a good little boy for his mommy and daddy (oh how jealous!) as well.

So blog land, here is my nephew Joshua Joseph:

A little collage I made for Carrie to celebrate Josh's 2 week birthday. It reads "What a difference two weeks makes. Joshua then and now."

Their brave little man, finally home!

My first snuggle time with Josh!

We call this one "Big and Little". Their first picture together.

Our Sunday morning in pictures

2011-07-10T11:28:00.000-04:00

Morning load of diaper laundry

Some time in the garden. Look what bloomed!

Sleepy little girl napping.

4 Months!

2011-07-10T11:21:00.000-04:00

Our little girl just recently turned 4 months old. Time is passing by much too quickly. For a more detailed entry into what our little girl has been up to you can go to our Baby Blog. Here's the nitty gritty from her 4 month appointment:

Weight: 13lbs. That's a one pound gain from her 3 month appointment.
Height: 24 inches. That's a one inch increase from a month ago.

This puts her just under the 50th percentile for her weight according to the doctor. I still have to do the calculations for her height.

Here is our little girl from her 4 month photo shoot:

Then and now, the difference a year makes

2011-07-01T23:40:00.000-04:00

July 1st 2010

July 1st 2011

God bless modern technology.

Then and Now

2011-06-28T08:59:00.000-04:00

I've found myself thinking about last year a lot lately. Random moments when I've been feeding Emilie I'll say to Andre, "remember what we would have been doing around this time last year? I probably had a visit to Dr. C's office this morning". That was no different last weekend. I talked about Father's Day weekend last year here. It was the weekend of our IUI.

This year, we celebrated Father's Day a little differently:

It was the day of our little Emilie's Baptism. Whenever I thought about the significance of that day tears would come to my eyes. It was so fitting that she was Baptised on that day. Last year we left it up to God. Then a year later we made a promise to Him for our precious little girl.

Thank You

2011-06-28T08:42:00.000-04:00

I would just like to send a huge thank you to everyone who responded to my last post, either by posting a comment, or getting in touch privately. It was great to know that I am indeed not the only one going through this.
This parent business is very hard, and I think sometimes we don't want to talk about the not so fun things, or feel like they're taboo. One of the hardest things about being a parent is that feeling of isolation sometimes, so thank you to everyone who was able to talk about those not so fun parts of parenthood, and helping me to feel not so isolated.

Redifining us

2011-05-22T17:37:00.000-04:00

What is a blog if not for being completely honest right? So I'm putting it out there, I'm unhappy. No, I'm not unhappy that I'm a mother. I love being a mother, I love Emilie. I love everything about her and being her mother, not to say that there haven't been some rough bits getting to this moment, but this post isn't about that.

I'm unhappy about the status of my marriage. If I was to be completely honest, my marriage has suffered since Andre and I have become parents. I think we have both struggled to try and find the balance of being Jenna and Andre, while adjusting to being mom and dad at the same time. We haven't hit our stride, and at moments like this it makes me wonder if we ever will.

It's hard to talk to my close friends that have children because I don't want them to hate my husband, and think that everything is 100% his fault, because it takes two people to make a relationship work or reversely fail, so 50% of the problems are because of me. You get the advice from people from my parents generation, the "you marry your first child and give birth to the rest" or "It doesn't get any better you know.", generation. Then I feel like screaming back that I refuse to live like this for the next 35 years. I don't want to wake up 35 years from now hating and resenting my husband because that's what marriage is suppose to be like. Then you get the advice from my generation, the in-touch-get-your-feelings-out generation. "You need to tell him how you feel" "You need to tell him what you need" "You need to tell him what to do", generation. Well sometimes I would like to go 24 hours without feeling like a nag, his mother, or just a bitch. Just 24 hours.

The entire time you know that your mother is thinking that I should just get over it and then I'll just be happy, and then my friends are thinking that they are so thankful that they're marriage doesn't suck as much as mine. At least that's what I think they're thinking.

It just seemed so easy before we were parents. We'd been together for almost 8 years, we had us figured out. We knew the ins and outs of us. Then we decided to change everything, add a new role into the mix, add the role of mom and dad to all the other hats that we wear.

In our case I know that the transition to mom was an easier one for me. It's been easier for me to just put Jenna aside and be "Mom". With Andre, I feel that he has struggled with the transition. I feel Andre doesn't want, or isn't ready to just put Andre aside and concentrate on being "Dad". I've tried quite a few times to discuss this with him, but it gets so exhausting trying to explain everything, trying to explain my feelings. I'm just so tired.

I would love one day not having to tell him how to do something, or asking him for help when I feel like he should just know by now when I'm going crazy and stressed out trying to do 5 things at once, that maybe, just maybe checking his e-mail or calling his father might not be a good idea, and he should help me with the baby instead. Why can't he just "get it"?

Le Sigh

I don't know what the point of this is. I feel alone, like no one else in my circle has felt this way. Like we're the only ones to go through this. Ever. Even though I know realistically that can't be the case.

Cloth Diaper Investment

2011-05-16T09:30:00.000-04:00

I think that the biggest reason that people decide to cloth diaper their little one, aside from the environmental reasons of course, is the cost savings. This can be a little difficult to get your head around for some people when you're spending hundreds of dollars in most cases to build up a good stash of diapers. To cloth diaper one child, and wash diapers every other day most companies will recommend at least 24 diapers. Some can make due with only 12, we have about 20 diapers.

I'll break down what I have spent so far on diapers to give you and idea of what an average (or what I think is average) diaper stash would cost.
Best Bottom Diapers:

4 covers, 12 stay dry inserts

The cost of the Best Bottom Diapers was: 4 shells @ $16.95 each = $67.80

12 stay dry inserts @ 3.95 each = $47.40

Total Investment: $115.20

BumGenius 4.0 Diapers:

8 BumGenius 4.0

The cost of 8 BumGenius 4.0: $23.95 each = $191.60, minus buy 5 get 1 free promotion = $167.65

Happy Heiny's Diapers:

2 one size diapers, 4 sized diapers

Cost of Happy Heiny's:
2 one size diapers @ $24.00 each = $48.00
2 sized diapers @ 15.00 each = 60.00
Total of: $108.00

Grand Total Cloth Diaper Investment: $390.85

Now for some people out there they may be saying "See, she spent $400 on diapers! That's ridiculous!!" Well to compare what I would have spent on using disposables 100% of the time since her birth I did a quick calculation. Now this calculation would be based on 10 diaper changes/day for 106 days, since she's 106 days old today. This calculation is conservative since for about a month she was getting changed at least 12 times/day. This calculation is also based on a 96 count box of Huggies ON SALE for $24.99. Anyone who has a baby knows when you run out you run out, you don't go searching for sales at 9pm at night, you drive to the nearest store and pay full price on a bag of diapers.

So taking all that into account I could have conservatively spent $274.89 on disposable diapers, so far! I figure that in another month or so I will have saved enough in cloth diapers to have paid off my cloth diaper investment. In three months!

Now some of you out there (those same people!) will be saying "She's probably paying a ton more in hydro and gas, and she's probably buying some expensive special detergent to wash those diapers! Ha!" Ummm, no. I use the same detergent that I use for all of our clothing to wash her cloth diapers, Purex Free and Clear. No expensive special detergent here. It's even cloth diaper friendly, so there! As for our utility bills, our hydro bill is exactly the same (minus the huge amount we pay for HST), our gas bill is a little bit more, but we are also doing more dishes washing bottles by hand (which uses more hot water than using a dishwasher), and we are doing more laundry in general with her stuff, and all of our stuff. So we can't blame the slight increase just on diapers.

So there you have it. The actual cost of cloth diapering!

Cloth Diaper Review Continued...BumGenius 4.0

2011-05-15T17:09:00.000-04:00

AKA my favourite cloth diaper.

If you've done any research at all out there on cloth diapering BumGenius will most likely pop up quite a bit during your research. They have been around for years, and they make an awesome diaper. They are a pocket diaper just like the Happy Heiny's but they are just....better. The PUL is super soft, they adjust great around the waist without the same overlap thickness at the waist like the HH's. They have a flap a the back of the diaper to prevent having to fiddle with the back waist band to prevent the wet band at the back if you don't keep the fleece down far enough. The list goes on and on.

I started out with two of the snap versions of this diaper.

I really don't know how to start with these diapers. They are my favourite, they are also my mother's favourite. Andre really hasn't expressed a favourite, he just uses what cloth diapers are there and changes Emilie's bum. They are super absorbent. I have used these diapers for both daytime, and nighttime, with no leaks. This is really good since Emilie will routinely sleep for 8-10 hour stretches at night.

Out of all three of the diapers, the BG insterts are the thinnest, making this the trimmest diaper out of all three that I have chosen. This is also great when they are in the dryer since it takes less time for them to dry. Maybe in the summer I will line dry them and see if they don't get too crunchy drying that way.

Since my initial purchase of two diapers I have purchased an additional 6 diapers, three with aplix (velcro) closure, and 3 more with snaps. The laundry tabs on the aplix diapers are great and not once have they come undone in the wash which is more than I can say for the HH's laundry tabs. I do plan on purchasing some more BG diapers, to hopefully bring my stash of these diapers up to 18 or so. I just have to decide whether or not I am going to keep, or sell the BB diapers.

Bottom Line for BumGenius 4.0: Awesome diaper! Well worth the investment. I do not have one complaint about these diapers. They are great for daytime and nighttime use, with no leaks or blow outs. They are trim, soft, and look so cute on our little girl! I just wish I had more of these diapers!

Cloth Diaper Review Continued...Happy Heiny's

2011-05-15T16:38:00.000-04:00

It's been a little longer than I thought getting back to my review, but well, life got in the way!

Second on my list of cloth diapers in my stash is Happy Heiny's. These are also great diapers. Actually, all of the diapers in my stash are great diapers for the most part, I've been very lucky. These diapers are a different type of diapers than the Best Bottom Diapers. These are a pocket diaper. Just like it says, you stuff the insert into the pocket in the diaper. This is how you control the absorbency of the diapers.

Happy Heiny's diapers. One size on left, sized diapers on right.

I have two different types of Happy Heiny's diapers. First their original Happy Heiny's sized diapers. Meaning they come in sizes. I had two size small, one size medium, and one size large. I got them half price on a bargain website.

These sized diapers have been the only cloth diaper from the stash that has leaked. I just cannot get them small enough on our little girl. They differ from the one size diapers in that they do not have tabs that cross over in the front to make them just that little bit smaller. Because of this I just don't use these diapers anymore, I just hate the leaking. Now, on their website you can request (for no additional charge) the cross over tabs to solve this leaking problem. If you were to buy the sized diapers I would opt for that for the added size adjustments. But why go for sized diapers when you can buy One Size?!

I also had two One Size Pocket Diapers from Happy Heiny's. They are my second favourite diaper in the stash. The PUL is soft, they are less bulky than the Best Bottom Diapers, and they adjust really well in the waist. They come in a bunch of solid colours and absolutely adorable prints. I have one in their hook and loop closure, and one in snaps. I don't like their hook and loop. I always remember to fasten the laundry tabs, and it never fails it always comes undone, and has snagged another one of my diapers. For this reason I have catches on my Best Bottom shells. The snaps solves this problem.

One of the unique things about the HH's diapers is how their tabs cross over. The plus is that they are uber adjustable, and get nice and snug around E's waist. The downside is that when it's crossed over there's an extra layer of fabric across E's belly that sticks out and looks odd. You win some, you lose some. Another thing with the HH's diapers is that you have to make sure when you're done putting on the diaper that none of the fleece inside cover is sticking up over the PUL at the back, if it is when your LO goes for a pee you will get a wet line across their back from the moisture. Small detail, but if you don't remember you will be changing more clothes than you need to. This happens more to Andre than to me.

Bottom Line for Happy Heiny's: Great diaper for the money. They are a little more reasonable than the BumGenius Diapers. The inside fleece lining is super soft, they are easy to stuff. They are a trim diaper, and they adjust very easily for sizing. This definitely comes in handy with a leaner baby. The snaps are better since the laundry tabs on the velcro ones are crap.

Cloth Diaper Confusion no more!

2011-04-22T18:48:00.001-04:00

So way back in September, which now seems like a different lifetime ago, I wrote about my confusion about all things cloth diaper related. I did a ton of research, nearly driving poor Andre insane, and decided to purchase a few different brands to try out, and then go from there. I also contemplated doing a cloth diaper trial from a more local store, but couldn't resist the pull of fluffy mail. I even went as far as to buy a cloth wipes kit from Baby Steals. Thank goodness I actually like the cloth wipes!

After all that research I ended up with three different brands to try: BumGenius 4.0, Happy Heiny's, and Best Bottom diapers. BG's and HH's are both one size pocket diapers, and BB's are one size All in two (AI2) diapers. Now anyone who has done even just the teeniest of research on cloth diapering has heard of BG diapers. They are very well known and loved by a ton of cloth diapering moms out there. One of the newer diapers on the scene were the BB diapers. Everyone loved that you could reuse the covers and just snap in a new liner. After talking to a friend of mine who had used them I decided that I too had to try them. The other diaper, the HH's are also well known, very similar to the BG's, but more reasonably priced.

So here was the run down on my cloth diaper stash:

First off on the list, Best Bottom Diapers:

BestBottom Diapers

I started out with 4 one size Best Bottom covers, 3 with snaps, and one with aplix (velcro), and 12 Stay Dry (microfibre and fleece) inserts in size Small.

I really like these diapers, and these are Andre's favourites. The obvious pluses of these diapers is when your LO messes the diaper if nothing gets on the shell (like with a pee) you just wipe or air dry the shell, and then snap in another liner and reuse it! With four shells and the liners, just these diapers could last one whole day as long as Emilie didn't get poop on the shell. I have to tell you that even with liners poop usually gets on the shell, so with a #2 you will most likely have to toss the shell in the wash. They adjust super small at the waist, so even at just 5 weeks old they fit Emilie great, at this time she was around 8.5lbs, so at the same weight they say the diaper will start to fit your LO.

They are also a trimmer diaper, but the least trim of all three of the diapers. I think the reason for this is the thickness of the Stay Dry inserts. I'm sure the Hemp would be a little more trim, but I haven't tried them out to know for sure. Also the PUL (the waterproof and cute shell) is the most "hard" of all three diapers. It's just not as soft, which you can feel through the clothing.

We have had no leaks with these diapers. The leg and front and back gussets are fabulous, and have kept all of the messes in the diaper, which is a huge plus.

The bottom line with these diapers: Great diapers. I would recommend them to anyone trying cloth diapering. I think one of the best diapers for travelling with your LO, and you can just throw in a couple shells and then just bring a bunch of inserts. For anyone buying in Canada, they are a pain. I had to order directly from Nicki's Diapers in the States, I couldn't find anyone in Canada that was selling them. I don't know whether this has changed since I purchased them last year.

Well, Little Miss is now up from her nap, so you'll all have to wait for the review of the Happy Heiny's and BumGenius!

Happy Easter!

2011-04-22T18:15:00.000-04:00

Time is passing by at lightening speed lately it seems. Everyone always said it would once our LO was born, and they are very right. Easter Sunday will mark 7 weeks since our little Emilie was born. It's been a roller coaster of a ride that's for sure!

I couldn't resist these bunny ears when I was out picking up some ingredients for some Easter cookies (which I will hopefully blog about at a later date). My little Emilie was a good sport when I had to snap some pictures to share with you all.

So Happy Easter from our home to yours!

Introducing...

2011-03-14T14:08:00.001-04:00

Emilie Helen!

I have a few minutes to post before we have to rouse our little angel for her next feed so I thought I would fill you all in our new arrival! She was born at 38.5wks after an induction (definitely more on that at a later date). I was induced last week on Saturday March 5th, which just happened to be my 32nd birthday, and she was born at 2:34pm on Sunday March 6th.

She is everything that we prayed for and more. Not to say that this parenting business is not hard, because man, it is HARD, but when she looks at us with those beautiful big eyes, and gives me a gassy little grin when I'm ready to burst into tears for the second time that day everything was worth it. All the dildo cam visits, the failed Clomid cycles, the tears, the injections, everything was worth it to be able to hold my little girl.

My only prayer is for those out there that are still struggling to not give up hope, and that your dreams will come true as well.

So here are a couple pictures of our little girl:

Emilie Helen
March 6th 2011 at 2:34pm
7lbs, 9ozs
approx 19 inches long (they didn't measure her in the hospital I did)

Peanut's room is almost complete!

2011-02-15T10:49:00.000-05:00

My last blog entry showed some preliminary pictures of little Peanut's bedroom. Well since then we have been hard at work. My goal for the bedroom was to have the furniture in there, and all the newborn, 0-3month, and 3-6 month clothes washed and put away before our shower on February 5th. My mother and I also managed to get some art hung on the walls as well, so it's really starting to look like a nursery. I'm really happy with the final results!

Here are some pictures I snapped of the nursery just this past weekend.

The view from the doorway of the room.

The crib. We're doing the "bare" crib thing for now, with just a fitted sheet. I had to show off the blanket that my grandmother made though, so it's hanging on the back.

Storage in the corner of the room. A basket with bibs and other little things. Then our stash of cloth diapers to try out (more on that later), our collection of receiving blankets most made by my grandmother, then some of our blanket collection. We have so many.

The change station. We're starting with disposable diapers, so the basket is stocked and ready to go.

What has to be the oldest item in the room. This picture was made by my great-grandmother Helen for my youngest sister Lise at least 20 years ago. Now it hangs above the dresser. It will be a little reminder of Peanut's namesake since her middle name will be Helen.

Right now we're still deciding on what we're going to put above the crib. We think we may have decided on something from the Uppercase Living Catalogue though. My parents have decided to buy us a glider for the nursery, so as soon as that arrives the crib will move down that wall farther from the window and we can then hang something on the wall. Until then we're just waiting on Peanut!

Peanut has a bedroom!

2011-01-19T23:12:00.000-05:00

Right after Christmas we started with the big Peanut related purchasing. Andre's parents had been very generous with us this year starting with a cash gift for our Anniversary in September, and then another cash gift this Christmas. We decided that instead of using the money for something for the house, we would put it towards Peanut. So Boxing Day we actually went shopping and picked up the crib (Graco's Lauren crib), and then the following weekend we went out and purchased the dresser at The Brick.

The day the dresser arrived mother nature decided to co-operate with us (in a way) and start snowing, so what better way to spend the day then huddled up at home assembling a crib?! I have to say that I am so proud of Andre and I. We have a horrible track record of bitching and moaning while assembling furniture, but we were so great assembling this crib. Not one curse or negative word was uttered. We worked so well together!

We haven't finished the nursery completely, but we have a pretty good start I think. The only piece of furniture that we still have yet to put in the room is a glider. My mother has decided that she is going to purchase this for us.

Here is a before of the room after clearing everything out, and then a couple pictures of our furniture, before we cleared recycled all that cardboard (oh the cardboard!!):

We haven't put any bedding in the crib since we have a cat, and we didn't know what Mikey was going to do with the crib in the house. Thankfully he hasn't figured out how to jump into the crib, but that might change once there is a glider right next to it. We have some artwork for the walls, but I need to get some picture hooks first, and figure out exactly where we want the crib to go on the one wall. I think for safety reasons we might end up putting the glider in that corner and moving the crib farther along the wall towards the closet, who knows.

We still have 6-8 weeks to make those final decisions, and get a ceiling fan hung (sitting in the box next to the dresser), and purchase a blind for the room, and decide once and for all if we're keeping the current drapes. At least for now Peanut has a room, and a dresser full of clothes already, and we haven't even had a shower yet!

Making room for Baby M

2010-12-30T16:57:00.000-05:00

It's funny how well people know us, either from real life, this blog, or a combination of the two. When we announced on Facebook that we were pregnant, one of my friends commented that this must mean some more home renovations. Boy did she call it.

The plans for making room for Peanut included the following:
-removing the hideous wet bar in the basement
-capping all the completely unnecessary plumbing that was included with said wet bar
-scraping all the "popcorn" texture that was on the wall in this area (yes you read that correctly)
-repairing the walls, then priming, and finally painting the walls
-finding a suitable floor covering for the bare cement floor that the space the office would occupy
-finally move all the office furniture that is in the office on the 2nd floor down to the basement

There were days that this list would stress me out to no end. It just seemed like so much to do in our limited amount of free time (ie weekends). So we did what anyone in our situation would do. We asked for help. Mainly for the things that we just didn't have the knowledge to do which was the plumbing, and for the things that I just couldn't physically help with, which was the demolition.

We started the project in October with the demolition of the wet bar. To remind you all of the tackiness that was the bar here is a picture:

It's not the best picture, but the only one I have on this computer. It was the mid 1970's at it's best. We never used it. The only one in the house that regularly used this space is in the picture lounging around. So I asked my friend Pam if she could help us with demolition. She used to work for her uncle's construction company before becoming at SAHM, so she gladly came over and showed that bar who was boss.

Here was what was left after she was finished:

She took out all of the bar that was not tied up with the plumbing. For that we had someone else come in to help. This is just a part of the garbage that we had to haul to the dump.

Then my friend Heather's husband Dave came in to fix one of the light switches that was not working in the basement, and cap all the plumbing for us. He also took out what was left with the bar. Once he was done this is what we were left with:

The mess on the wall is what happens when stupid old owners decide to glue plastic backing for glass shelving on the walls. In short you end up peeling part of the drywall off the wall. Major pain-in-the-ass!

And this is how the space just kind of sat pretty much until December when I decided that if we were going to finish the space the week after Christmas I really should get my butt in gear and scrape off that stupid popcorn texture, and repair the walls. Now for anyone who has read how to remove this texture which is typically on ceilings and not walls, you are suppose to spray with water, let sit for a few minutes then scrape off. Hahahahahahahaha. They make it sound so easy. What they don't tell you is that this does not work some of the time, ie. our basement. In short we were left with a freaking mess. A freaking mess that I spent hours trying to smooth out afterwards. It would have been easier to just have someone come in and re-drywall the space, but honestly, we were on a shoe string reno budget and that just was not going to happen.

So after hours of filling, drying, sanding, filling, drying, sanding, the walls were finally ready to prime and paint. This was a breeze compared to the prep work required. To go with our shoe string budget we opted for Rona's low VOC recycled paint. At about $15/gallon, we honestly couldn't go wrong. Friends of ours had used it and had been happy with their results, so we decided to go for it. They don't have a huge selection of colours, but in the end we're happy with the finished product. So here is the area right after paint:

For the floor we measured and thank goodness the area rug that was currently in our guestroom was just a touch too big, so we rolled the excess carpet along the wall where the desk would go, and voila! We have flooring. The best part is that is was neutral as well, so it all kind of ended up going together really well. We still need to go through the crap that is on those shelves so I can use them for scrap booking materials, but for now, it's okay.

Then came the ~~fun,~~ er, hard part, hauling all the contents from our office which is on the second floor all the way down to the basement. Thankfully Andre is amazing, and quite the trooper and did most of the grunt work. Aside from walking the really light stuff down stairs I really didn't do too much aside from walking up and down stairs.

We still don't have everything down from the office, and are going to need some help to haul the really heavy fire-proof filing cabinet down to the basement, but for now you can see that we have a functioning office at least:

So now at least the hard part is done. Now we can tackle the nursery!

The big update!

2010-12-30T16:17:00.001-05:00

Everytime I logged on to Google Reader, or even just went on Facebook for that matter, the thought would run through my head about how it had been a long time since I had blogged. Then I would immediately become distracted, or the thought would just disappear from my head all together (gotta love placenta brain) and then I would go on my merry way again. Then I actually checked when my last entry was yesterday. Wow, it's been a looooong time.

There's been a lot going on, but at the same time not very much to warrant an exciting blog entry you know? Andre and I have been busy with work, and preparing for the holidays, and for little Peanut. The belly continues to get bigger, as does Peanut. She is moving more and more, and is currently having a love affair with my right side. My right ribcage to be exact. Her little head is there as I type. I continue to check my blood sugar multiple times a day, as well as injecting myself with Insulin daily right before bedtime. I'm being monitored very closely, and both Peanut and I are very healthy. As a nice little bonus with the reduced carb diet I have lost around 12-15 pounds. I'm too lazy to actually figure out the exact number. Don't be worried though, I continue to meet with my dietitian (and midwife, and OB, and diabetic nurse, and Endocrinologist...) and along with eating a balanced diet, both Peanut and I are both very healthy.

Preparation for Peanut was pretty much on hold over the month of December. With work, and Christmas shopping, and all that jazz, we were both just too overwhelmed to add one more thing to the mix. This week since both of us were on vacation things have shifted into high gear and preparations have once again begun. Among the necessary minor renovations to free up the smallest spare room to make room for a nursery, we finally purchased the crib, crib mattress, and car seat. Thanks to some very generous family, friends, and clients of mine Peanut also has quite the collection of new and gently used clothes. She will be quite the stylin' little girl! I've also started to purchase a little stash of cloth diapers to try out as well, but I will save this for another post!

As a reward for all of you faithful readers that will read this entry, I will finish off this post with our latest ultrasound picture of Peanut from December 20th at 28wks, and a belly picture of me from December 24th at 28wks.

Oh injections, it's been too long!

2010-11-11T18:14:00.001-05:00

I say this clearly with a lot of sarcasm since, well, who misses giving themselves injections? Never in a million years did I think I would be faced with daily injections so soon after having to do the Puregon to get pregnant with Peanut in the first place. Well it seems I just can't stay away. That, or my Pancreas has decided to take a vacation while I'm pregnant!

If you haven't guessed from that little rant it hasn't been going perfectly since I started checking my blood sugar levels. For the most part the Gestational Diabetes Diet has been controlling all the levels following my meals. There were a few random high numbers, but for the most part it's been going well with that. The bane of my existence right now is my fasting blood sugar levels. The level that caused all the problems in the first place. They would not drop the way they should by the time I woke up in the morning. In fact by the time I had the follow up at the Diabetes Clinic 5 out of 7 fasting numbers were high. I knew that my fate was sealed. I was on a one way trip to Insulin town. Thankfully I have a friend who unfortunately had been through this exact same thing before, and she was so great about sharing her experiences with me, so I was a little more calm when I went in for the appointment. (Thanks Megan!)

I was also pleasantly surprised when the Dietitian told me that she was optimistic about my chances of Shared Care. Basically there will be quite the wait to be referred to an OB, and then because they are so busy most of the time in this case they will be fine with sharing me with my Midwife. All the same anyone out there in Blog Land that would be willing to send out some good vibes for me I would appreciate it!

After having to complete a round of Puregon in June, the Insulin needle didn't scare me at all since I'm familiar with the pen-type injections. Now if it was an actual syringe, I would not have been so calm. They scare the crap out of me! So I completed the first injection last night and as expected, my fasting number was exactly where it was suppose to be, so it was worth it in the end.

Now the plan is to continue with the GD diet, regular exercise (thankfully we have a treadmill, because it's cold here in Canada now!) and Insulin. Hopefully the Glucose Intolerance will stay the way it is. Whenever I'm having a down moment I just wait and I can feel Peanut moving around or giving me a nudge and it helps. She's cheering her mommy on.

Hello Blog Land it's me Jenna

2010-11-03T12:15:00.001-04:00

And I am a bad blogger.

Even our baby blog has had a serious shortage of blog entries lately. It's not that I haven't wanted to blog about anything. If anything there has been so much on my mind that I have wanted to share, but I wanted to get to a point where I could write calmly and not be a sobbing mess while typing. Ah, hormones!

First of all the good news!! Because everyone loves good news! If you didn't catch this entry on Our Little One then you missed the news about our anatomy scan on October 22nd. We had waited so patiently for this ultrasound, and were rewarded, because the ultrasound tech was able to tell us that our little peanut is a GIRL!!! We are so over the moon now that we know what our little peanut is. It has made everything feel so much more real now. Even my grandmother who was a staunch "it has to be a surprise" follower, totally caved and wanted to know. Now she is planning a ton of sewing projects, and even brought wool over for me to look at because she wants to make our little peanut a sweater and some other things to wear home from the hospital.

And since I can't resist showing off how beautiful our little peanut is, here she is almost half baked at this point!

Now onto the bad news. My PCOS is back messing up everything again. If you have PCOS, then you know that you are at a higher risk of developing Gestational Diabetes. It's not a big surprise, so I knew that at some point I would have to do the Glucose Tolerance Test. Otherwise known as the test where you chug Orange Crush for breakfast. Not as fun as you might think. In Canada you can either do the one hour GTT, and then if you fail (one of your blood sugar levels is high) you have to complete a two hour GTT, or just do the two hour test. I talked to my midwife, and she informed me that because of my increased risk I would have to do this extremely fun test twice. Once ASAP, at the 19wk mark, then again at a later date.

So I went to do the test. First they take your blood to test your fasting blood sugar. Then you drink "the drink". The drink wasn't as horrible as everyone says, it was carbonated, cold and the consistency of regular pop (or soda for all of you in the States). The only gross thing was chugging it down at 8am. Then after one hour you have your blood taken, then after yet another hour you have your blood taken again. Basically after this test, no news is good news.

The Monday following the great news about our Peanut, I got a phone call from my secondary Midwife Shannon. I knew why she was calling. One of my numbers was elevated. This doesn't mean a diagnosis of Gestational Diabetes, but I am now labelled at "Glucose Intolerant". Not as serious, but it means that something is up. So I was given a date to attend the Gestational Diabetes Class, and a date to visit with the dietitian a week after the class to evaluate my blood sugar levels, and how my diet has been.

This news devastated me. I got off the phone and started crying. Not like little tears, but all out sobbing. This news meant that I was only two steps away from the possibility of being on Insulin. Insulin=No Midwife. Insulin during pregnancy is a one way trip to a OB. I never wanted an OB delivery. I just felt like once again my body was failing me. First failing me during the whole TTC process, turning something that is suppose to be natural into a science experiment. Now my body was failing me again, and I could end up with they type of delivery that I didn't want. Nothing was going my way.

This feeling hasn't completely gone away, and now after attending the Gestational Diabetes Class this morning I am unsure about how I feel about everything. I guess I can only take it one day at a time, and see what happens.

Cloth Diaper Confusion

2010-09-27T17:49:00.001-04:00

I've been trying to avoid bombarding all of you readers with all things baby-related, but this has been and will always be my place to ramble about all things, so for all of you that are not interested, you can just skip over any post that is just too "baby" for you. After all, this is about Mr and Mrs M, and really little peanut is forefront in our brains all the time!

I've always been intrigued with the idea of cloth diapering, long before we were actually pregnant. I liked the idea of saving tons of garbage sitting in a landfill for hundreds of years, and saving our bank accounts hundreds of dollars (on average about $1000-1500) over the diapering life of our little peanut. After all if my mother could cloth diaper two of her three daughters with old-school prefolds and diaper pins, and a ringer washing machine, then with all the almost high-tech by comparison cloth diapers now I was sure to be able to manage right? Not to mention, I own a modern washing machine, so I can dump the laundry and go!

There are just so many options out there! And although we will be saving ourselves a ton over the course of a couple years, we will have to put out a large chunk of change as an investment in order to be able to make this venture work! I also wanted something user-friendly if you will so Andre will have no excuses about not changing a diaper. I quickly figured out that this involved some research. Thankfully I have friends both in real life and online that have been cloth diapering their little one's so I have been asking questions, and visiting websites that they have suggested. I've also been doing comparison shopping, trying to find the cheapest price on my favourite cloth diaper so far, BumGenius.

I have also been researching cloth diaper samplers, basically a collection of whatever type of cloth diaper you have chosen, in different brands so you can choose what diaper works best for you and your little one. The best part is that I've found a company that is Canadian (yeah!) and only about 45 minutes away that offers this, so I have bookmarked their site to save for this spring. Who knew that finding something to cover a baby's bottom would be so confusing!

Good-Bye Summer...

2010-09-27T17:31:00.001-04:00

...hello Fall!

Otherwise known as my favourite season of the entire year. There's just something about having to break out the sweaters, and jackets, the freshness in the air, and the rich colours all around. I love getting out the cozy blankets that can be snuggled under in the evenings, and warm duvets to curl up under all night.

Just this week I brought out a spicy vanilla candle and let the whole house smell super yummy. Today on the agenda was breaking out the duvet for the winter. I think it will still be a little too early for me at least since peanut seems to be keeping me fairly warm while sleeping at night. I'm sure Andre will appreciate the extra warmth though.

We're getting ready for Thanksgiving around here as well. Last year Andre and I were holiday-dinner-hosting-dynamos after hosting Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, but this year Thanksgiving will be the extent of our hosting duties. I'm not a fan of hosting Christmas dinner, and will never do this again, and I will be too busy with a newborn to host Easter dinner this year. My mom has agreed to take over the hosting reins once again for these holidays. We also got news that we will be having house guests this fall! My friend Laura and her little girl joined us for a few days this summer, and she asked if we would be willing to offer them our guestroom for a few days again this fall. We're looking forward to it!

We've also been busy researching and planning all the things that will need to be purchased for our little peanut! For updates on all things baby related you can visit our baby blog at: http://ourlittleonemcg.blogspot.com/

The Journey

2010-09-16T18:57:00.000-04:00

I don't know why I was reminded of this yesterday while at work of all places. But I was and figured maybe I thought about it because I was meant to write about it and share it with someone out there who needs to hear it. Who knows, it could just be the hormones talking!

So when Andre and I were going through treatments I all but stopped going to church. I couldn't do it. Couldn't handle seeing all the families. All the new babies. All the families that were blessed, when I thought that somehow God had it out for Andre and I. Going through Infertility is hard. It tests your faith, your marriage, the very core of everything you thought you ever wanted out of life. Needless to say church was too hard. For some during the hard times they are drawn to church, for me, I feel pushed away.

Since finding out we were blessed with this incredible miracle, (Yes, even though we used modern technology to get pregnant, it makes it no less of a miracle for happening.) we have slowly started going back to church. Some days are really easy, others a little harder.

In our church the ministers usually take the whole month of July off for vacation. We went a few times in July, then we went back again the first Sunday the ministerial team (a husband and wife) were back from vacation. I honestly believe that I was meant to be in church that day, to hear the children's story of all things. That Sunday there was not one child in the place. Go figure, they didn't want to be sweating in church! The minister still did the children's story. He said it was for "the big kids".

Him and his wife had gone to Southampton that year to go cottaging. He showed a picture on the big screen of his wife standing near a beach fence with an expanse of sand and water behind her. He talked about how the sand was so hot that year. How when you walked over the sand to get to the water you kind of bounced from foot to burning foot, kind of howling. All the while getting closer and closer to the nice, cool water. He talked about that journey to the water. How painful and long it seemed in that moment, but how once you got to the water, it didn't seem to matter. In fact, once you got there you would totally do it again in a second. In the end, it didn't matter how hard and painful the journey was, it was always worth it in the end.

The tears started. I couldn't help it. Hell, now that I'm typing it out the tears are coming again! I couldn't help but think of every failed cycle. Every follie check when the tech would tell me how none of my follies were growing. I thought of every needle during that last cycle, along with all those follie checks at the beginning when nothing was happening but I was told to keep going.

Then I thought of the day when we finally had one little follie. It was freaking amazing. I then thought about that morning when I saw those fainter than faint lines, then the next morning when I saw those words that I had been dying to see.

In the end yes, our journey was hard. I know that there are some out there that have gone, and are going through worse. But don't lose faith, even though it is so easy to lose faith. Yes the journey is hard, but the end, the end is worth it.

Chicken Enchiladas

2010-08-20T19:20:00.000-04:00

I work in a chiropractic office. The owner of the clinic and her husband have quite the vegetable garden every summer. Much more food than the two of them could possibly eat, so she brings in baskets of veggies for us and the patients to take home. I just happened to pick out a green, orange, and jalapeno pepper, and decided that was a perfect excuse to make up some Chicken Enchiladas for dinner.

We got this recipe from a Milk Calendar about five million years ago and it's one of Andre's favourites. Who knows, maybe it will become one of yours?

Chicken Enchiladas:

Ingredients

1 onion, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
2 chicken breasts, cut into cubes
1 green pepper, chopped
1 red (or orange pepper), chopped
1 jalapeno, chopped (optional)

Note: If using jalapenos, please be careful and use gloves when chopping to avoid having oils on your hands and then touching your face. Trust me I have done this, it HURTS.
1 cup salsa
1/2 cup water
1 tsp cumin
1/2 cup shredded low fat mozzarella cheese, shredded
Whole Wheat tortillas (about 5-8)

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Place chopped onion and garlic in skillet over medium heat. Cook until golden.

Add chicken and cook for 3-4 minutes.

Add peppers, salsa, water, and cumin. Continue to cook over medium heat until most of the liquid has evaporated. About 15 minutes.

Fill tortillas with meat and veggie mixture, and a little bit of cheese. Roll. Place in 9 x 13 pan.

You are suppose to have some liquid left in the end of all of this to pour over enchiladas. I never have. Usually I just sprinkle the stray veggie mixture over, then add some extra salsa, then sprinkle with a little more cheese.

Bake for 30 minutes.

Serve with Mexican rice and salad, or side of your choice. If you're a tired pregnant woman like me just throw an enchilada on a plate and eat.

Resort Review

2010-08-08T18:49:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I have some very strong opinions on the resort that we stayed at while in Aruba. Let me start by saying that this was our second trip to Aruba. We love Aruba. We love Aruba because it is out of the hurricane belt, the weather is always spectacular, you can drink the water right out of the tap!, it's so safe you could hop on the city bus right outside your resort and go shopping downtown, these are just a few of the reasons off the top of my head.

The first time we visited Aruba was almost 3 years ago. It was for our honeymoon and we stayed at the Riu Palace Aruba. Over the last three years we had met many other people that have been to Aruba and love it as much as we do. A number of these people have stayed at the Holiday Inn Sunspree. Some of these people will only travel to Aruba after visiting many other tropical destinations and when in Aruba will only stay at the Holiday Inn. We thought if these people will stay at this place every year then it has to be good right? Well, partially. The Holiday Inn was much more reasonable than the Riu, so we thought we would go for it, and stay at the Holiday Inn.

Throughout my review you will find me compare the Holiday Inn to the Riu. This would be because this is the only other resort in Aruba we have stayed at to compare it.

Flight: Different carrier this time. The first trip we flew with Sunquest. This time our flight was through Canjet. What can you say? It's a long flight, between 4.5-5hrs each way. The food was better with Sunquest. The flight attendants were a little nicer with Sunquest too. Flight was on time going to Aruba, and was delayed over an hour for our flight home. This happened three years ago too.

Shuttle to Resort: AMAZING! We were in our shuttle bus to the resort literally within 30 minutes of the plane landing on the island. It was great. No complaints here.

Shuttle from resort to airport: DISASTER. It was chaos in the lobby, luggage and people everywhere, and it seemed very unorganized. To avoid the craziness we paid $25 for a taxi to the airport. I think it was money well spent, Andre complained about spending the money.

Check In: Organized. Above the desk there were labels organized via alphabet to tell you where to line up. We lined up and got our little booklet. Our key wasn't ready, so we went to have lunch, and came back an hour later to pick up our key.

Our room: We requested a king sized bed and instead got two doubles. I wasn't terribly surprised. I really wanted a bigger bed than at home, but we're used to a double, so it was not biggie. The room was clean and had a fridge to store our snacks and water, and satellite tv. We also had a balcony with two chairs and a little table.
My biggest complaint with our room was the proximity to the elevators. There was only one room that separated us from the main elevator. We would hear this elevator all night, every night. If it wasn't for me not wanting to pack up everything, I would have demanded they switch our room. Looking back, packing up our stuff would have been totally worth a good night's sleep. Live and learn.

The food: Hmmm, I think I'll start with breakfast. Breakfast was good. They had everything from fruit and cereal, to juice and eggs. They had everyone covered for breakfast. The one issue is that the island does not have skim milk. Their idea of "light" milk is 2%, I did not drink a drop of milk the entire week because of this.
Lunch-It was okay. They always had to meat choices. A fish (all was good except for the Mahi Mahi, way too fishy tasting for me), and a meat. The only time they had chicken was when they had chicken legs. I have not eaten chicken legs since I was five. I don't like dark meat. Otherwise they were always serving beef or pork. Only one day did they have turkey breast. There was always a rice or potato and veggie, and pasta and kiddie options as well.
Dinner-SUCKED!! I don't know whether it was the selection (or lack thereof), the cuts of meat, or what, but it was bad. Bad, bad, bad. Everyone that we talked to felt the same way.

The A la Carte Restaurants: The reservation desk opened at 8am, we never had a problem making a reservation for either the Cafe Di Vinci (Italian) restaurant, or the Seabreeze (outdoor grill) restaurant. Cafe Di Vinci was horrible. Service was slow, and the food just horrible. Andre's chicken was overcooked and tough, my lasagna was 1/2 cheese, and too rich to finish.
The Seabreeze was wonderful. The ambiance was wonderful sitting overlooking the beach and sunset. The food was always great, and the service good. We ate here three nights.

Hut Reservation: The towel hut opened at 7am. Andre would be in line every morning by 7:15 with our towel card to get fresh towels and reserve our hut. I love how this resort reserves huts. There is a board with a map of all the numbered huts. You pick a hut based on location (or availability) and they put your room number beside the hut number. It was so great to get a hut everyday. We also had the same hut, which was close to our room. I think this is the fairest way to get a hut.

The Pools: Honestly we didn't spend much time at the pools. The resort was crawling with families, and we just aren't ready to have to deal with cranky, hyper children yet, so we stuck to the beach for the week. From what we did see though during our travels during the day was that the pools were small, but there seemed to be enough loungers, and and adequate amount of shade available. The huts around the pool were first come, first serve. There were two pools, one for the kids, one for the adults. Every time we went by the pool, the adult pool was crawling with kids.

The Beach: Tons of huts, beautiful sand, beautiful cool water. It was great. It was our home the week we were there. The hut reservation process was super easy and organized, so we always had shade while we were on the beach making my stay that much more comfortable (Andre says "Thank GOD!!!"). There were always plenty of loungers available as well.

Evening Entertainment: Crappity, crap, or non-existent.

Casino: Didn't go.

Miscellaneous Complaints/Comments: There was no bottled water supplied with the rooms. When we visited the front desk she told me this was because you could drink the water right out of the tap. Well that's great, but because the water lines don't run that deep, the cold water from the tap is luke-warm. Ewww. Thankfully we had brought our Clean Kanteen's from home, but you would've had to buy bottled water otherwise. We bought a litre bottle of local bottled water, and between the three containers always had cold water available for the two of us.

Overall Opinion: Andre says that he would stay at the Holiday Inn Sunspree again in a second. I'm undecided. I think that if you're going to pay the price to stay at an All-Inclusive resort you shouldn't have to eat off the resort (like we did one night) to avoid the shitty dinner buffet. The buffet is included with the price, and as such you should be able to enjoy it. We weren't the only guests that felt this way. The beach is awesome though, much better than the Riu, and more expansive than most of the other resorts that we walked past.

So there you have it. My review of Aruba!

Summer Vacation 2010

2010-08-08T17:58:00.000-04:00

AKA Babymoon 2010 has come and gone.

We left on Monday July 26th and returned very late on Monday August 2nd. It was great to get away, but like I have told a lot of my friends this vacation will be my first and last during the first trimester of any pregnancy. We booked this vacation before we got our fabulous BFP, and the dreaded morning sickness really didn't start to kick in until the week before we left. The Thursday before our departure was a horrible day m/s wise. I ended up calling in sick to work because I had a huge bout of nausea and heaving and being a massage therapist, I just cannot physically do my job if I'm running to the bathroom every 5 minutes. It's just not going to happen.

After a call to Mother Risk (an absolutely AMAZING resource for pregnant Canadian women out there) I had some very practical advice to help with how I was feeling, and I had been told that I could take Ginger Gravol up to a maxium of twice daily to help with the nausea that I was feeling. I rested for the rest of the day Thursday, and then woke up Friday feeling well, just as shitty as I did the previous day, if not a little bit worse. I made a quick call into my RE's office, talked to the receptionist, and the angel that she is, got the dr to call in a prescription of Diclectin. This has proven to be invaluable. The only problem was the for about the first week of taking it I was pretty much a zombie. Thank goodness I was on vacation and I could sleep the hangover feeling off in the mornings.

So armed with my Diclectin we headed off to sunny Aruba. Now let me start by saying that it was a great vacation. I mean how can you not have an amazing time when your job is to sit on the white sand beaches looking out over a turquoise sea? The only issue was timing. Let's face it, if you wake up feeling like ass every morning, and your day is ruled by the accessibility to washrooms, keeping hydrated, eating snacks every 1-2 hours, and keeping cool, so you don't overheat and feel even crappier, it kind of takes the fun out of the day sometimes. I think if we had planned this same vacation during my second trimester, it just would've been better. Normally we wouldn't care so much about how long our excursions were. This time I would only be gone for about 4-6 hours. That is about how much fluids and snacks we could bring with us.

Even though Andre was amazing and got up early every morning to secure a hut close to our hotel room, that shelter sometimes just wasn't enough, and two afternoons I had to come back to our room to cool off and rehydrate. I felt so bad leaving Andre by himself on the beach, but really there was nothing I could do. I couldn't risk over heating and getting dehydrated.

In the end hindsight is always 20/20. I will recommend to anyone out there who is pregnant, or TTC, wait until you are out of your first trimester before planning a big vacation. When spending a crap load of your hard earned cash, you want to enjoy yourself 100% of the time, not just 60% of the time. If you wait out those first few months, you'll have a better idea of how you feel, and what you're comfortable doing throughout the day.

I will end this blog entry with some pictures of Andre and I from sunny Aruba.

Entering our resort

Me (and peanut) on the beach!

Andre on the beach.

The beach to our right from our hut.

A stunning Arubian sunset.

Andre and I at the Beach

Mean to Green (er)

2010-07-15T22:37:00.001-04:00

Did you think that I had forgotten with all this baby-talk over the last little while? No, just well, lazy. Sitting on the couch cuddled with Andre or going for a walk when the heat has finally lifted in the evenings is just a little more appealing right now!

I did decide while I was reading some of my favourite blogs that I should really log on and give you all something. I have been thinking of doing this post for a long time now!

So without further ado (be forewarned it's a dirty subject).....TOILET PAPER! This is something that everyone buys, unless of course you are one of those really crunchy-granola types that doesn't in which case, I honestly don't know what to say.

We were addicted to the Kirkland brand for the longest time. You know the big, mega pack from Costco that would last a small family say, 6 months! The problem was that it had a TON of packaging, was not recycled, and I'm not too sure on the status of whether it was biodegradable. So we needed to switch!

Oh you should have heard Andre complain in the middle of No Frills when I told him we needed to switch to a more greener choice for bum wipe. He was not happy. Switching his toilet paper was crossing the line apparently. He must have a sensitive heiney. The first brand that we tried was President's Choice Green Bathroom Tissue.

The reason behind this purchase was that we love President's Choice Products. We have switched from name brand to their brand on many occasions and took for granted that this one would be a winner. We were wrong. It promised to be made from 100% Post Consumer recycled paper, and that it is biodegradable. I have no doubt in my mind that it is both of those things, but in a word, this stuff is CRAP.

Considering this stuff is suppose to be a double roll, the rolls are painfully thin. It claims to be 2-ply. Oh.My.Goodness. If this is suppose to be 2-ply, I do not want to know what 1-ply is.

In short, I am sad to say, do not waste your money on this product.

Now after our horrible adventure in green (er) toilet paper, Andre was none too happy that I wanted to try yet another brand. I had a friend mention the Cascades Brand of products. I knew that they sold their "enviro" line of products at Costco, and we just happened to be on our way there for a shopping trip. Andre was not happy to have to try another product that he was sure was going to disappoint, so I told him that all the trees were saying "Thank you Andre!!" for his purchase. He rolled his eyes and threw the huge package in the cart.

Now this brand promises on it's website to be made of 100% recycled fibres, be made with 80% less water than the industry standard, is dried using natural gas, and bleached without chlorine. Wow, impressive! You want to know the best part?

It's actually good stuff! It's much thicker than the PC Brand, as well as softer, and stronger. We've found ourselves a winner people!

Beta #2

2010-07-06T21:51:00.001-04:00

Was a success! I was very nervous simply because I had nothing to go by since we didn't have anything but a "You're Pregnant!" after the first beta. My HCG is 568.9, and my Progesterone level was 45. Both of these numbers were "within the normal ranges" as per the nurse at the clinic. I am to continue taking progesterone supps for the entire first trimester as well.

The best news is that we got the date for our first u/s! It is Tuesday July 20th! There are no words to describe how much I am looking forward to seeing the little "bean" on the screen and maybe see the heartbeat. I am going to try my best to get a picture to share with you all as well. We'll see how co-operative the u/s Tech is that day!

In other news Andre and I have started another blog devoted entirely to Baby M! This blog was created as a place for my random musings, and because of that my immediate family did not know about it. We decided that it would be best to create a new space that we could share with our immediate family and close friends for the time being, and then when it's time to announce Baby M to the rest of the world we can share with our family and friends that we unfortunately don't get to see on a regular basis. I will continue to do updates here as well, but for more in depth baby news check out Our Little One.

Stressful day, but a good ending

2010-07-02T20:58:00.000-04:00

In my last blog post I was talking about how I have been on progesterone suppositories, but was going to run out before the weekend was over. The office in their letter to me had mentioned if this was the case, to call, and leave a message even though they wouldn't be in the office and someone would call in the prescription to the pharmacy they deal with. Well yesterday I called and left a message telling them I did need a refill.
I called the pharmacy around 11am, and no one had called in the progesterone yet. So I waited until the afternoon. At 2pm the pharmacy still hadn't received the order yet. So I waited some more. The entire time getting angrier and angrier, and more and more frustrated. I immediately went online to get some advice. After coming across someone on a message board that is a patient at the same clinic as I am (what are the chances?) she suggested calling up the pharmacy again. I called him up and explained the situation, and he agreed to give me a few to get through the weekend.
::Insert sigh of relief here::
I was so stressed out that missing the progesterone was going to cause a miscarriage. Man my imagination was not my friend today! In the end I came home with enough medication to get me through the weekend, and a little surprise.
Andre had been out, and knew how stressed out I was, so he bought me a bouquet of mini pink carnations. They were sitting in a vase in the diningroom when I got home this afternoon. He's such a sweetie. I think I'll keep him!

I have a confession to make

2010-07-02T10:59:00.000-04:00

This is what I saw at 5am yesterday morning. I caved. I had to test before my beta. This test was not actually the first test. My first test was Wednesday morning. Where I got the faintest lines in the history of the world. Here I am at 8am (after analyzing the internet cheapie tests for a full hour) waving the sticks in front of Andre.

Me: Andre do you see two lines?

Andre: Ummm (looking at them closely with squinted eyes) no. Well what colour are they suppose to be?

Me: Pink

Andre: Well, there are two lines, but one of them is really light.

Ah, no romantic surprises in our house.

I tested with the digital at 5am on Thursday morning. I took the picture, then left the test on the counter for Andre to see and then went back to bed to try and get some sleep. At a more respectable 7:30, Andre cheered, and we hugged, and got ready to go to the clinic for my Beta.

We both waited very impatiently all day, Andre at home, and me at work for the results and finally around 3pm between clients Andre called and told me that the nurse had just dropped off a letter and her congratulations off at the house because they couldn't reach us via phone. For now the plan is to continue taking the progesterone suppositories, and go in again Tuesday morning for a repeat beta, where hopefully the numbers will have continued to rise by the appropriate amounts.

So please continue to send your rising number and sticky baby vibes my way if you can!

For those of you that know me IRL, and have me on FB, you know the drill, please don't mention anything!

I am slowly going crazy.....

2010-06-24T12:30:00.000-04:00

I figure I should be ready for a white padded room by the end of next week. I am over analyzing every single twinge, feeling, everything. To make matters worse I am on Progesterone suppositories. Progesterone makes me crazy. I am overly emotional and snap at the drop of a hat.

Just yesterday I was at work and a patient came in the office that used to work with Andre. He has a 20 year old son. His son would not work, would not go to college/university, drank himself silly 99% of the time, and to make matters worse, liked to dabble in drugs. The patient came in to announce that he was a grandfather (complete with pictures). Said son's girlfriend gave birth to a baby girl. I'm usually very good at holding it together, but yesterday it took all I had to hold it together until I could leave the reception area. Life isn't fair. Why does God see fit to bless them with a baby, while Andre and I are going through hell for the chance to have one?

Today I'm not much better. My clinic called me this morning to tell me when I have to come in for my pregnancy test (blood test). I have to come in Thursday July 1st. I'm happy that they finally called to tell me when to come in, but first of all they only open at 9 and I have to be at the other end of the city by 10 for work. I'll be cutting it close. As well I will only be 12dpiui by that point. I'm nervous about the test being too early. Needless to say I will not be testing with a home test before going in. I guess I will have to warn Andre to let the clinic leave a message on the answering machine so we can listen to it together when I get home from work. I just can't listen to it at work. If it's bad news I know I will be a mess.

I have been so optimistic the last few days, but today, I am just a heap of pessimistic emotions. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

My saving grace this weekend is the fact that we will be having house guests this weekend! My wonderful friend Laura is coming into town with her little girl! I haven't seen Laura in about a year, and have yet to meet her little girl. It will be wonderful to have her visit, and it will be a nice distraction for me.

In the meantime any positive thoughts that can be sent my way would be greatly appreciated!

Now we wait

2010-06-19T18:48:00.002-04:00

My first (hopefully my last for a couple years) 2ww ever commences today! I don't know what I'm going to do with myself over the next two weeks with only two visits to the clinic scheduled for that time.

Everything went fabulous this morning. We were up bright and early this morning, so early in fact that the sun was just beginning to rise over the roofs across the street. Way too early for a Saturday morning! We dropped off the sample at the office then came home and had some breakfast. Then headed back down to the clinic for the actual IUI. They took us right away, and I'm so proud of Andre he actually sat in the room with me, he did hold his newspaper over his face for the entire procedure though.

To quote Andre: "Jenna as soon as I saw him bring out that speculum, I was freaked out!"

His post wash count was excellent at 33 million, so both the RE and Andre were very happy. The whole procedure took less than five minutes, and honestly was more comfortable than my last pap test. I just closed my eyes and told God it was up to him now. It's out of our hands now, we just have to wait and see. We were home shortly after 9 and then I immediately told Andre I needed a nap so I went upstairs and slept for over two hours.

I know in our hearts we both so desperately want this to be it for us, but don't want to say it out loud, in case we're disappointed. So for all of you out there if you could send any thoughts or prayers our way we would really appreciate it. And for those of you that have been wishing us luck and have been so supportive over the last few months, you will never know how much it has meant, thank you.

My last needle?

2010-06-18T23:04:00.001-04:00

Hopefully for a very long time!

I had yet another follie check this morning. The dildo cam and me are on a first name basis. My little follie-that-could had grown to 19mm. For those of you that have been reading this blog, can you tell me what that meant?

Ding, Ding, Ding! You're right, it's finally mature!!

After three long months on Clomid and 10 days of jabbing myself in the stomach I was actually going to ovulate! I went in to meet with Dr. C after I had my b/w and u/s and he looked over my results and high fived me. He then got very serious and told me that he recommended we do an IUI. It didn't mean that we had to do one, just that it had taken us a long time to get to this point, and he wanted to give it all we could.

Luckily I knew that this was going to happen and Andre and I had already had this talk the night before. I told Dr. C that we had discussed it and wanted to do everything that we could within our power to make this work. He told me that I made his job so much easier, and told me I was to get an HCG trigger shot (an injection that triggers ovulation) before I left, and give myself one last stab with the Puregon tonight and then would tell us whether we should head in Saturday or Sunday for the IUI. We got the call and bright and early tomorrow morning we will be heading down to the clinic so I can get knocked the hell up! (Well hopefully)

For those of you out there that are unfamiliar with what an IUI is, you can visit this website for an explanation. Normally I would write one out, but it's 11pm and I am bushed from all the craziness today. Wish Andre and I luck tomorrow, and the next time you hear from me I will be in the 2ww!

One of those meant-to-be meetings

2010-06-15T22:29:00.003-04:00

Now I am a massage therapist, so I meet a lot of people. Well today I had a new client. I was not particularly looking forward to meeting this person simply because she was a new mom....of twins. I just didn't know if I was ready to spend a prolonged period time locked in a room with a new mom of twins. Especially after the day that I had yesterday.

Well she ended up being a very nice woman, and those twins; those twins were IVF babies. I don't know how it came up, but she mentioned it. Those twins weren't just IVF babies either, they were FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) babies. Their very last frozen embryos after a number of unsuccessful (fresh) cycles. Instantly I liked this woman more. I then told her that my husband and I were patients at the local fertility clinic (there are three within a 40 minute radius). We started talking and it was so wonderful to talk to someone who had been through hell and back but had two beautiful little babies to show for it.

It gave me hope. Gave me just a little bit of strength that I so desperately needed this week. Just because it doesn't work the first time doesn't mean it won't work. Andre and I will be parents one day. We just have to be patient, that and possibly win the lottery, that wouldn't hurt either!!

I don't know what to think anymore

2010-06-14T16:06:00.002-04:00

Today is not such a great day. I had my second follie check since starting the Puregon. Today was the second time there has been no response. My follies are still "very small" as the tech puts it. Remember how I said that a mature follicle is around 20 (give or take a few mm)? Well my office will only give us the measurement after it has reached 10mm, and they haven't told me any measurements (ever). Even the tech this morning was trying so hard to find something with that dammed dildo cam. She looked at me and said "I wish I had some good news for you." So here I am after 5 days of stabbing myself in the abdomen and nothing to show for it. I have to do in yet again on Wednesday morning. I know I should be optimistic, but at this moment, I feel nothing, expect nothing.

I was so full of faith and hope just a few days ago. Today, not so much. I feel defeated. At this moment I have no hope. Four months, four different meds, and nothing to show for it except less money in our bank account. This is the eighth month that we have been TTC. Not once in those eight months have we had one shot. Not one freaking chance at getting pregnant.

I know I'm suppose to have faith that God has a plan for us. That there is a reason that all of this is happening, but I can't think of one. I haven't been to church in weeks. I just can't bring myself to go and see all the families. All the babies. It hurts my heart too much. My mom will come home and tell me about how so-and-so just had a baby, how this person asked where I've been. I just sit there numb and just nod my head, I just don't care. I just don't have enough in me to care right now.

I hope tomorrow will be better. I hope tomorrow I can smile at someone and mean it.

Gold star for me!

2010-06-13T09:50:00.003-04:00

I got back into the groove today, and got my butt back on the treadmill. I had been doing so well since March, getting onto the treadmill at least three times a week even when sleeping in was waaaaaay more appealing. Then I got sick. Not just the sniffles, but up all night unable to breathe for 2 nights followed by up all night for 2 more nights because of coughing, sick. Then my asthma got involved. So it was no treadmill for me until I could get the asthma under control.

It's been a week of an increased dose of my inhalers and I finally felt like I was up to getting back on there. I still can't push myself (ie jog as long or as fast as I was doing), but I still managed to get on there, and now I feel much better about myself. The best surprise came when I weighed myself this morning. This I had not done since a few days before I got sick, so it had been 19 days. EEEEEEEK! I was so nervous.

But lo and behold I had lost .8kg since last time! I was shocked! I had noticed a decrease in my appetite lately, which I attributed to well feeling like shit and not wanting to eat, and being on Metformin for just over 3 months, and it's normal to feel a decrease in appetite on Metformin. So then I calculated my total weight loss since I started this whole exercising thing: -4.7kg. Which doesn't sound nearly as impressive as -10.3lbs!!

This makes me so happy because 10lbs was my first official goal in my head. I don't actually set goals since I am a self sabotager (is that even a word?) and would find some way to ruin it for myself, so I kept this goal to myself and I achieved it! I told Andre over breakfast this morning that I should give myself a gold star!

The Cost of Fertility Treatments

2010-06-10T10:28:00.004-04:00

The one thing that worried me when I realized a long time ago that a very real possibility for us would be fertility treatments was the cost of it all. Yes we have money in the bank, yes we own our own home and work full time, but we're far from wealthy. We don't have tens of thousands of dollars sitting in the bank, and let's face it whenever someone mentions those words "fertility treatments" the first thing that pops into your mind are dollar signs, and visions of the Gosselins and Octomom, but that's another blog entry all together.

So for all of you out that are reading this and wondering, whether it be because fertility treatments could or are a reality for you, or it's just out of morbid curiosity, here is the real cost of fertility treatments. Or at least the cost that we have incurred over the last three cycles. Now keep in mind that I am still in the midst of my third cycle, and we do not know yet whether I am going to need a trigger shot to enduce ovulation, or whether we will be able to do timed intercourse, or if IUI is recommended. These variables will change the final total.

Now I will colour code each cycle so you have an idea of the cost that way. I will also start out with some diagnostic costs that we had to pay for, as well as the general medication that I had to take as a result of my PCOS diagnosis. Because I also have IBS, combined with the nasty Metformin side effects, my RE recommended a prescription prenatal vitamin with 5mg of Folic Acid because I was at a higher risk of malabsorption, that cost is included as well.

For those of you that are our neighbours to the South, you will notice I do not include the cost of my monthly monitoring, additional testing (ie. HSG), or bills for RE visits. This is because our Provincial Health Care plan (OHIP) covers all of these expenses. I honestly do not think our journey thus far would have been possible without these expenses being covered for us. For that I am truly grateful to live in Canada. We are also lucky that Andre's work insurance covers some of my medication that is not infertility related, so that helps greatly as well.

So with all that babbling here we go our Out of Pocket (OOP) Expenses:

Semen Analysis: (none covered by private insurance) $125.00
Diagnostic blood work (both) and ultrasound (me): OHIP
Metformin-3 month supply, 1000mg/day: (total:$130.44) After Insurance:$41.70
PregVit Folic 5-3 month supply of prenatals: (total: $121.46) After Insurance: $39.13
Total: ($376.90 without private insurance) After Insurance: $205.83
Cycle 1:
Provera (10mg/day for 10 days): (total $15.48) After Insurance: $8.48
Clomid 50mg (5 days): $45.45
All monitoring b/w and u/s: Free
Total Cycle 1: (without insurance: $60.93) After Insurance: $53.93
Cycle 2:
Provera (10mg/day for 10 days): (total $15. 48) After Insurance: $8.48
Clomid 100mg (5 days): $78.91
All monitoring b/w and u/s: Free
Total Cycle 2: (without insurance: $94.39) After Insurance: $87.39
Cycle 3:
Provera (10mg/day for 10 days): (total $15.48) After Insurance: $8.48
Clomid 150mg (5 days): $112.39
HSG (diagnostic test): Free
Puregon 300iu: $335.00
(may be subject to additional costs)
All monitoring b/w and u/s: Free
Total Cycle 3: (Without Insurance: $462.87) After Insurance: $455.87

Total OOP Expenses Cycle 1-3: $803.07

Ovaries meet Puregon

2010-06-09T21:19:00.004-04:00

I had my latest follie check this morning. It was just as I suspected, no response. This time I wasn't upset, I expected it. I know that I should never go into a cycle expecting failure, but I needed to to protect myself. There was that glimmer of optimism with the first check, but this one I just wanted it to be over, be done with Clomid.

The ultrasound technician tried really hard, and by hard, I mean she warned me it would hurt (and it did). She really wanted to make sure that she didn't overlook anything. But there was nothing there to overlook. Now don't get me wrong, there are follicles, but they are much too small. Like I mentioned before a mature follicle needs to be around 20mm, and mine were all under 10, on the 14th day of my cycle. The tech told me to talk to Dr C if I had time this morning so after getting my b/w done I waited to talk to him.

The first words out of his mouth when reviewing the results were "no response" the words I'm so used to hearing. He gave me two options for going forward: 1) wait another 3-4 days then come back for a follow up u/s and b/w to see if Clomid was going to do anything at all OR 2) move right on to injectable medications. For me it was a no brainer. I told him I didn't feel that 3-4 days would make any difference in my response. I wanted to move onto injectables. He agreed.

So this evening armed with the Puregon website on my laptop, and Andre by my side I got over my lifelong phobia of needles, and injected myself. Oh.my.goodness! I can't believe I was actually able to do it. I am so proud of myself! The plan now is to inject myself with 35iu (international units) of Puregon (which is FSH-Follicle Stimulating Hormone), each night for three nights, and then have a follow up exam on Saturday morning.

I think the only way to describe how I feel is excited! Aside from our first Clomid cycle, I feel hope. I feel like we have a shot. I feel like this could be the cycle for us. I know as well that this attitude could lead to something very bad if it's not successful, but like Andre says, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it. For now I'm going to live in that little bubble of optimism, daydreaming what it will be like to see those two little lines on a pregnancy test.

The Bachelorette

2010-06-05T20:29:00.002-04:00

Hello my name is Jenna and I am a trash-tv-aholic. The Bachelor/ette in particular. I've watched every single season aside from the first original Bachelor, the infamous one where Trista was rejected, and ultimately started the Bachelorette franchise.

So for the next few weeks every Monday evening I will be glued to the tv seeing who she'll ultimately fall in love (lust) with. Even Andre watches it with me. He might not last the entire episode (two hours is a loooooong time) but always wanders back to watch the rose ceremony at the end. I didn't realize how much he liked this show until tonight.

I went out for ice cream with my mom, sister Carrie and my (step) niece Hailey. I got home and could hear familiar voices coming from the television. I walk into the living room, and to my amazement it's last weeks episode of the Bachelorette! Andre isn't even fazed. The first words out of his mouth when he's caught red-handed you ask? "We already saw this one."

He makes me smile. I love a man who is secure enough in his manhood to sit and watch the Bachelorette even when his wife isn't home.

All Clear!

2010-06-04T18:05:00.002-04:00

Well I had the HSG done this morning, and I got the all clear. Everyone kept telling me how cool it would be to see my uterus and fallopian tubes on screen, but the way the room was situated I didn't get a chance to see anything :o(

It was over super quick though. Everything I had read about the procedure said that the entire thing would last around 5 minutes. I think the entire test lasted around 2 minutes! It was a little uncomfortable, comparable to a Pap test I guess. The real pain came after. They did the test, he told me it was done and everything was normal, and unblocked, then the nurse ushered me into a washroom with a pad that was probably made in 1970, it was so thick. As I was getting dressed the cramping really started. For about a half hour/45 minutes I had really bad cramping, but then it went away. The cramping afterwards felt worse than the actual test did amazingly enough.

Before the test I had my first follie check of this cycle. It was just as the other two failed Clomid cycles started; quite a few small follicles, but none even close to 10mm. I was not upset though since I didn't have my hopes up that the Clomid would actually work this time. I didn't hear back from the clinic this afternoon about what my next step is though, which is super frustrating! I left a message, and I know the clinic is open tomorrow (a Saturday), so I hope that someone will return my call tomorrow instead of making me wait till Monday.

I think now I am going to rest since I am in the midst of the head cold from hell. Tylenol Sinus is calling my name.

More randomness from Andre

2010-05-30T21:21:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I beloved husband comes up with the most random things ever, so if I will remember I will share them with you all.

This conversation happened on Friday as Andre picked me up from work, and we were walking to the car.

Andre: Jenna! ::he was very enthusiastic:: Today I had the most amazing, mind reviving thing today! Guess what it was!

Me: ::blank stare, who asks questions like this after a long day at work??:: A blow job? Who did you find to give you a blow job?

Andre: ha ha, very funny.

(I couldn't resist)

Andre: Limeade! Did you know that there was Limeade in the freezer?! Jenna you need to have some!

At this point I laughed pretty much the whole way home. You see my husband is really one of those men who stops to smell the roses. He notices those little things like how wonderful Limeade tastes on a hot summer day.

(This story was brought to you by my friend Mary Ann who left a can of Limeade in the freezer that we didn't consume mixed with alcohol on the last girls night.)

Welcome to Crazytown

2010-05-30T20:56:00.002-04:00

Population: Me

Or at least that is how I feel while I am on Clomid. I don't know what it is about that drug, but it's like all common sense and normalcy leave my body, and all that is left is this hysterical, crazy person. Not fun.

So if you haven't guessed I am once again on the Clomid bandwagon. I had my baseline b/w and u/s done on Friday morning which was CD2. We discussed some options about what the next step could be since the previous two cycles on Clomid were non-responsive. The RE asked about my symptoms and since I don't have a history of some of the more horrible Clomid side effects (headaches/migraines, vision disturbances) he decided to try one more time. This time he prescribed 150mg. I am not looking forward to the craziness. I'm crossing my fingers the maniacal mood swings last cycle were a fluke, and I will be cool as a cucumber this time. Only time will tell.

He did tell me that if when I go in for my first follie check this coming Friday that there has been no response, that he will immediately start another different medication. I will not have to wait for this cycle to be ended yet again with another dose of Provera. I also made a big stink about not having a Hysterosalpinogram, otherwise known as an HSG, so I have one of those booked on Friday morning as well.

An HSG is one of the first tests that most RE's recommend that their patients before beginning fertility treatments. My RE is of the opinion (I'm not saying it's the right opinion) that if you are of a lower risk for fallopian tube blockages, he will wait until there is an unsuccessful cycle (ie. ovulation, but no pregnancy) before ordering one to be done. Well I changed my mind about halfway through the second Clomid cycle. I decided that I wasn't willing to go through the emotional roller coaster of another cycle if he wasn't going to order one. So at 11:30 on Friday morning I will have dye shot through my fallopian tubes. Doesn't that sound like fun?

My mother along with two of my friends have had this procedure done. My mother and one of my friends said that it was no big deal. My other friend said it was one of the most painful things she has had to go through. Altogether the procedure is suppose to last around 5 minutes. I'll give you my verdict later on on Friday. Since I have no clue how I am going to feel, and since I can only take Tylenol beforehand (this sucks so much) I booked the afternoon off. I decided that if having someone insert a catheter through your cervix and then shoot dye through your reproductive organs doesn't constitute a "mental health day" then I don't know what does. That and I'm already working Saturday, so when you think about it it's like I'm not really taking any time off.

The waiting game

2010-05-24T18:39:00.003-04:00

I have decided that the one lesson I am to learn through this whole fertility treatment thing is the lesson of patience. There is so much waiting that goes on with a cycle.

It starts with waiting. You get AF, then wait for your baseline u/s and b/w on CD1. Then you wait for the nurse to call you with the results. Then you start your specific medication. Then you wait for your first follie check. If it's a good one then you're waiting to see when you'll actually ovulate (something that I've never gotten to). Then you wait through the dreaded 2ww seeing if maybe just maybe you timed everything just right, and you were lucky (again, I've never gotten this far). If you weren't lucky then you wait for AF to arrive.

This is the stage that I'm at right now. Waiting for AF to arrive. It's funny, when I was on the pill I dreaded the end of the pack. Dreaded AF's arrival and the days of just feeling BLAH while she was here. Now, it's a countdown. Waiting for it, because with it comes the beginning of a new cycle. After two unsuccessful medicated cycles a new cycle means potential and hope that maybe this will be the cycle we will have a shot. Hope that just weeks later I could be staring at two lines on a pregnancy test.

So now I wait.

Slow Cooker Triple-Layer Lasagna

2010-05-24T12:14:00.001-04:00

I made this recipe forever and a day ago and DH and really liked it (but didn't love it). I was talking to a co-worker about what we were making for dinner a couple weeks ago and she made lasagna. I immediately thought about this recipe.

I found it in a Prevention Guide Slow Cooker Recipe Book.

I'm going to include the original recipe, followed by my additions and substitutions.

Triple Layer Lasagna

1 pound extra lean ground beef (very important that it's extra lean!)
1 can diced tomatoes
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1 clove of garlic, minced
9 oven-ready lasagna noodles
1 jar tomato sauce
1 container fat-free cottage cheese
2 cups shredded reduced-fat mozzarella cheese
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese (we never have this so I don't use it)

Additions/Substitutions
-I use 1 pound of ground turkey instead of ground beef. It adds a little more of a milder flavour to the lasagna, and it's a little more healthy
- I add waaaaaay more garlic
- added half a red pepper, chopped
- added one handful of spinach, chopped
- added a few shakes of Club House Italiano Seasoning (or whatever is your favourite)

1. Combine meat, vegetables, and seasonings in large skillet over medium-high heat. Cook until meat is no longer pink, 8-10 minutes .

2. Coat 4-quart or larger slow cooker with cooking spray. Place 3 noodles, side by side, in bottom of cooker. Top with one third each of the tomato sauce, cottage cheese, meat mixture, and mozzarella cheese. Repeat layers two more times, ending with mozzarella. Sprinkle with Parmesan on top.

3. Cover and cook on LOW for 5-6 hours, or until lasagna is cooked through and cheese is bubbly.

Note: I find that if you put the cheese on and then cook it, it gets hard and over done. I usually top the last noodle layer with tomato sauce and meat mixture, making sure that all the noodles are covered to keep moist, if it looks a little dry add some of the liquid that was in the skillet with the meat mixture.

When the lasagna is about half an hour from being done, or when you get home from work, sprinkle with the last bit of mozzarella, and wait for it to melt.

Yummy!

Cycle #2 of Clomid=FAIL

2010-05-11T21:25:00.002-04:00

For the second time I have gone for my last follie check around CD21-22 only to find that instead of the Clomid producing follicles they have disappeared. 7 out of 8 of my follicles were gone. I have one remaining on my left ovary, so I will be heading into the clinic on CD3 for my first visit with the dildo cam of the cycle. I am NOT looking forward to that at all. The danger with one follicle remaining is that it will remain and turn into a cyst. Fertility drugs do very bad things to cysts, and a cyst could grow and eventually rupture causing damage. This is something that RE's monitor, so this can be avoided.

I was given another prescription for Provera. We haven't discussed what I will be taking next cycle, but it was decided at my second check this cycle that I would be starting a different medication, and not trying a higher dose of Clomid. At this point the two options would be Femara, or Injectibles. Now I just have to wait out the next two weeks until we find out what the next plan is.

Stay tuned.

My Theme Song

2010-05-11T20:50:00.003-04:00

There are a few message boards out there that I have started to frequent since we started this whole TTC journey. Actually that's a lie, I lurked for a long time before we actually started TTC. On one of these boards a couple weeks ago was a discussion about the Michael Buble Song "Haven't Met You Yet". One of the girls was talking about how the lyrics to this song really struck a chord with her and her TTC journey. The ups and downs of it all.

Now Andre and I have all of his albums, and Andre just happened to have uploaded this album onto my MP3 player, so one morning while on the treadmill I started to listen to it. For those of you out there that live under a rock here it is:

So there I was on the treadmill listening to my MP3 player really listening to this song for the first time. I cried. Here was a song that perfectly summed up my feelings and emotions. Especially since we have begun treatment with our RE. So now whenever I'm on the treadmill I listen to this song while I jog. It helps me to push myself, reminds me of why I push myself. This song helps to remind me of why I take all the hormones, why I drive myself to the brink of insanity (and Andre too I'm sure).

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life
~Michael Buble
"Haven't met you yet"

I'm Baaaaack

2010-05-03T15:48:00.002-04:00

Well I wasn't really gone, but decided to get off my butt and do a blog entry today. I promised my friend Mary Ann that I would do and update and recipe, so I am accountable!

I hate to say it but it looks like cycle #2 on Clomid is looking like a big fat fail. I had my first Follie Check (follicle check) last Wednesday. That was CD10. The good news was that I had 4 follicles on each ovary. The bad news was that they were all under 10mm and the biggest on each side was only 6mm. To give you a good reference, a mature follicle is around 20mm. See, mine were small. The lab tech is always so nice. She had "the look" on her face, but still told me "It's still early!" in her Romanian accent.

After a week spent in a emotionless haze, I was back again this morning for my second follie check. More dismal news. It was CD15 today and my follicles had not grown. Not the news I was dying to hear. It seems that I had shed all my tears last week so the remaining emotion today is just frustration. I have not ovulated since April 1, 2009. It has been 397 days since Andre and I last had a chance at getting pregnant. I would just like a chance, just one chance. Instead I count the days until I have to take some drug to give me my period.

::Le Sigh::

The worst part of this morning is that Dr. C wasn't in the office yet this morning when I was getting my b/w and u/s done. So instead of having a meeting with him immediately I had to wait until he had a chance to review my results. They finally called just a little bit ago. Dr C agreed that I am not responding to the Clomid (although the nurse assured me that anything could happen over the next week). I have to go back next Monday for yet another follie check. If at that time there is no response I am going to start Provera again. Oh Joy! The only difference is that they won't be doing Clomid again. We will be doing a different treatment. I have no idea what that will be, so I will be discussing that with him then.

So now I just sit and wait.

Here we go again!

2010-04-24T21:44:00.003-04:00

I am officially in the midst of my second cycle on Clomid. Things are going a little differently this cycle. Last time I had virtually no side-effects. I wanted water all the time, but I go through phases like that normally, so I didn't really think anything of that. I also had a night or two of night sweats, but with the temperature fluctuations lately I really didn't think anything of it. All in all aside from it being a dismal failure I didn't do too badly the first time.

I started taking the pills Wednesday night. Thursday went okay. I felt like I was in a little bit of a foul mood, but sometimes that happens when dealing with stupid people on the phone at work right? Well Friday, hmmm, well I could definitely tell that my moods were being affected. I didn't feel like myself. I almost full on did the "OMG, could you be any more of a pain" sigh on the phone when booking an appointment. Thankfully I didn't but I wanted to. Have I mentioned before that I work in a 99% female office? Yeah, this was not a good thing Friday. One of the girls was sick and bitchy and coughing everywhere, she was irritating me. Then another girl was wound so tightly I swear to God she squeaked when she walked. She had this manic energy about her that just made me want to scream. I was on the verge of screaming and telling everyone they should just shut the eff up because they were being stupid, but I didn't.

The icing on the perverbial cake was when I was leaving work to catch the bus to go home. I walked to the crosswalk, pressed the button, waited till the hand illuminated so I could walk, checked for cars turning left and looked their way and began to cross. Then this ASSHAT came barreling into the intersection not bothering to check that there was a pedestrian crossing LEGALLY and I swear, he was 3 feet from hitting me. If it wasn't for the very frail old couple waiting at the bus stop at the other side of the street I swear I would've gone postal beating this car with my purse and tote bag. It would have been quite a show for sure. Instead I muttered obsenities, glared at the jerk and continued to cross. It took all my self control, let me tell you!

I was so angry! Not just regular angry, but in-laws-requesting-more-guests-a-week-before-the-wedding-crazy! So what was a girl to do? Pull out the big guns that's what. I did what any self respecting 30-something would do. I went home and made myself a drink. Not just any drink, but a chocolate martini. It's like Valium in a glass. It's my signature drink. I once drank 5 at a night out and the waitress was so impressed that I could drink that much and still walk (somewhat assisted) that she gave me a set of martini glasses. I still have them. But I digress....

Yes, I went home, called my mother, dug out my martini glasses and cocktail shaker and made two very excellent Chocolate Martini's. We sat, bitched about our crap days and let the wonderful chocolate/vodka goodness take over. It was heaven in a glass. The best part I was nice and relaxed when Andre got home. I figured after all the moodiness I put him through the least I could do is be in a liquor induced calm when he got home from work.

I couldn't help but hope that maybe just maybe that could be my last chocolate martini for awhile if we're successful this cycle..... ::le sigh::

I will end this blog entry with a recipe for:

Jenna's Amazing Chocolate Martini's!!
(well they're not mine, I got the recipe from some book, but whatever!)

1 oz of vodka (your favourite kind)
1 oz of Creme de Cacao (the clear one)
(for those that find regular vodka too strong, you may substitute Vanilla Vodka)

Pour into a cocktail shake filled with ice, shake and pour into a martini glass. Enjoy!!

Mean to Green (er)

2010-04-18T17:47:00.004-04:00

I'm going to try and help us all clean up our act, or well at least our clothing with this review. Today I am going to review one of my most frequently used products at home.

I have sensitive skin, and after trying many different products, I started using the regular Arm and Hammer Detergent years ago. They started making their essentials formula a few years ago, and I love it! It is biodegradable, phosphate free, uses natural (coconut-based) surfactants and uses natural baking soda to help clean your clothes. It also comes free of all those heavily dye filled detergents, and you can also get scent free as well.

I also promise that this cleans just as well as any of the other detergents out there! Arm and Hammer is also much less expensive than other greener detergents. At No Frills you can find it for less than $6 for a 2L bottle that will clean 35 loads. I don't know about you, but I think that's a great deal! For a little extra boost in the wash you can use PC Oxygen Bleach.

Photo source here.

A little project

2010-04-13T17:29:00.006-04:00

I know, like the office renovation isn't enough! This one has been in the works for a little while, and I have been stalking the Canada Post website waiting for confirmation of delivery before I would post pictures online! Canada Post has assured me it was delivered successfully yesterday at 1:20pm, so I can now post pictures! Yeah!

So I have a small group of girls that I have known forever. I'm talking before the problems with fertility, before the house, the wedding, before Andre and even before College. These girls knew me in High School!! As a tribute to these wonderful women and how much their friendship has meant to me over the years I have tried to do a little something extra for them on those big milestones in their lives. Mainly when they get married and have a baby. The scale of the gift has mainly depended on how much spare time I have at that given time. I've tried to do some sort of quilt for each milestone.

So when my friend Laura announced that she was pregnant, I knew that I wanted to do something for her to celebrate this. Her and her husband welcomed their beautiful little girl into the world in January and I finally completed her quilt a few weeks ago and shipped it out. For her I opted for a flannel rag quilt since they live in frosty Manitoba.

I am so happy with the final product, and it is the perfect size for them to snuggle with their little girl on those cool spring nights, and a great size for laying down for her to have a nice place to explore the world around her when she's a little older.

Here are the pictures:

A little close-up of my fabric choices.

For those that are sentimental, you will note the little white square, that is a little tag that I added to explain who the quilt was for, her birth date, and who made it for her.

The whole thing!

"Blankets wrap you in warmth, quilts wrap you in love."

~ Unknown.

Have you ever wondered...

2010-04-13T17:18:00.006-04:00

What it looks like behind the scenes when someone is doing a renovation? I know I do. I read lots of blogs, and some of them deal with home renovations, decorating, and you only ever see the horrible before's, and the beautiful, glossy afters. You never see what is really going on while they're doing the renovations.

I decided to show you what it really looks like when you decide to renovate your office. You should maybe sit down for this. It's not pretty.

To refresh your memory this is what our guest room looked like shortly after we finished it's transformation:

Ahhhh, so bright, so crisp, so clean!

This is what it looks like now crammed with all the contents of our office that we could move:

Told you. It's definitely not pretty. It's even messier since I've been trying to sort through the mountain of paper trying to figure out what can be shredded.

Man, we have a lot of shit!

We're at it again!

2010-04-13T16:51:00.005-04:00

Redecorating that is! The next room on our hit list is the office! This room has been months in the making. It was the last room in the house to still have wallpaper left to remove. This was the main reason it has taken us so long to tackle it.

We're still not done yet, but I'll post some preliminary pictures. This is what we started with:

This room was the perfect blend of everything horrible from the 70's and 80's. It came complete with stained pale grey carpet (I swear it makes my skin crawl), pale lavender gloss paint, fabulous balloon valance, and you can't see from the picture, but the far right wall and two smaller walls were covered floor to ceiling in a pale pink wallpaper. The full wallpaper wasn't that hard to remove, but the border was a little more difficult.

This is what the room looked like after the wallpaper was removed:

We were left with each wall presenting us with a unique problem. Two walls had been wallpapered over without being painted first (GRRRR). One wall was a matte pink paint, and two others a glossy lilac-ish colour. :Le Sigh: Can nothing ever be easy? So to make our lives a little easier we decided to use Behr's new paint and primer in one. It has covered beautifully, and I'm very impressed so far.

Alas blog land I do not have any after pictures to post. The room is painted, but I am not yet finished painting the trim, and we still have the carpet to rip out, and the new flooring to be installed. This last bit might take awhile since I think I may have lost the phone number to our flooring guy ::shakes head:: I really hope that we'll be able to find it or I might be begging all of our friends for numbers to flooring guys they know so we can get this job done.

Recipe Time!

2010-04-02T17:45:00.005-04:00

And just in time for Easter!

I have made this pie twice already when getting together with friends. It was a hint both times, and the best part is that it is deceptively light, which is a bonus after eating a big meal.

I found this recipe in that little Magazine that Kraft sends out a few times a year. I swear I started to drool the moment I saw the picture. So if you haven't decided what to make for family for Easter dinner, make this! The best part is that you can design the top of the pie in whatever design you want. When I made it at Christmas I made a picture of a little gift. When I made it a few weeks ago, I just made lines. For Easter you could make an Easter Egg!

Peanut Butter Cup Pie:

(I think I need a more photogenic pie plate!)

Ingredients:

1 1/4 cups Oreo Baking Crumbs 1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted (I use margarine)
1 pkg (8oz) Cream Cheese (I use light), softened
1/2 cup plus 1 tbsp, creamy peanut butter, divided
1 cup cold milk (I use skim)
1 pkg (3.4oz) Vanilla flavoured Instant Pudding
2 cups thawed Cool Whip, divided (I used light)
3 squares of Baker's Semi-Sweet Chocolate

Mix oreo crumbs and margarine; press onto bottom and up sides of 9-inch pie plate. Set aside.

Beat cream cheese and 1/2 cup peanut butter in medium bowl until well blended. Add milk and dry pudding mix; beat 2 minutes. Whisk in 1 cup Cool Whip; spoon into crust. Refridgerate until ready to use.

(it's not this yellow looking, for some reason my camera made it look that way)

Meanwhile, microwave remaining Cool Whip and chocolate in a microwaveable bowl on High for 1-1/2 to 2 minutes, or until chocolate is completely melted (stir halfway) and mixture is well blended. Cool completely (I let it cool a bit). Spread Chocolate mixture over pudding layer in crust.

Microwave remaining peanut butter in a microwaveable bowl until melted and smooth. Drizzle over pie.

For this step I find it easiest to pour the melted peanut butter into a plastic bag, and then snip one of the corners, or you could use a pastry bag and a tip.

Refridgerate for 4 hours, or until firm.

Enjoy!

The Roller Coaster

2010-04-02T17:05:00.003-04:00

This week has been a rough one. I always knew that TTC for us would be a challenge. Call it a gut feeling, call it intuition, call it what you will, but I always knew. I knew when I was in my early 20's and I would only get AF twice in one year. I knew when I would get random spotting every 26 days, but no actual period. I knew something was wrong even though the doctors told me it was "normal". I just knew.

That is the reason that I told Andre that I wanted to go off BCP a full year before we actually started TTC. I wanted to get those hormones out of my system. I wanted to give my body the benefit of the doubt, I wanted to see if maybe, just maybe I would be like those women who had wonky cycles before going on the pill only to come off it years later and be like "clockwork". The universe had other plans for me. So I prepared myself. I did research on online forums, googled different conditions, took mental notes when friends talked about fertility treatments, costs and side effects. Trying to prepare myself as much as possible for that inevitable moment when some doctor told me what was wrong with me.

So when Dr C finally uttered those four words that would seal the deal, give me a label, and most likely change the rest of my reproductive life forever I was just a teeny tiny bit prepared. Happy even. There was a reason, a name, a label. There was something wrong with me! The best part is that it is a common thing, something he sees all the time, something he treats all the time. It was not a matter of if he could help us get pregnant, it was a matter of when.

I was prepared for the diagnosis, I was prepared for the plan, the Metformin, the Clomid. What you can never prepare yourself for is the roller coaster that I was about to board. The worst part of this roller coaster is that for the most part you are alone. Yes, I have a wonderful, amazing, loving, supportive husband. Andre is truly my rock. But Andre doesn't have a uterus. Andre doesn't lie on the table with his feet in stirrups while the ultrasound tech violates me with the dildo cam while I pray to God that there are some follicles. For that I am alone.

When the ultrasound tech broke my heart and told me on Monday which was the 14th day of my cycle, that the follicles that she had found the week before hadn't grown, I was alone. When I waited in the hallway of Dr C's office waiting for him to tell me that another round of Provera and a stronger dose of Clomid were inevitable, I was alone. When I realized that my dream of possibly holding a little Christmas miracle in my arms wasn't going to happen, I was alone. Even when Andre wrapped his arms around me on our way out to the car after that appointment and kissed the top of my head and told me he loved me, I felt alone.

All the reading, all the research in the world doesn't prepare you for this roller coaster; the waiting, the hoping, more waiting, more hoping. Until you've been on this roller coaster, you'll never truly know.

"Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding onto."

~P.B.S Pinchback

Mean to Green(er)

2010-03-27T14:20:00.007-04:00

I am so excited to do this post! I am excited because this is a change that I've been wanting to make for a long time and finally did.

The change is.....Reusable Produce Bags!

Even Mikey had to take a look!

I'm excited and I know that some of you are excited to. Andre, not so much. Actually his exact words in Metro (where we bought the bags) were "Jenna, this is it! No more green stuff, we're not doing anymore!"

His issues were:
Andre: Produce bags are recyclable, why use bags that can be reused?
Me: Produce bags are plastic, even though it is recyclable, it is still waste, reusable means no waste!
Andre: They won't be able to see the stickers to scan the produce at the grocery store!
Me: ::showing him the bags:: Yes they will, stop whining!
Andre: People will think I'm weird that I'm bringing cloth bags to the grocery store!
Me: Tell them your wife made you do it.
Andre: Fine
Me: Can't you hear it? Mother Nature is saying Thank You!!
::Andre staring at me like I've lost my marbles::

So there you have it, if I can switch to reusable produce bags then so can you!

The ones we purchased were from Metro (A Canadian grocery chain). We purchased 4 large and 1 small bag for $4.99. I was going to check into the website that was on the cardboard packaging, but recycled it before I could check if it was a Canadian company or not. You can also find produce bags on websites like Etsy or you could make your own! Like with any reusable bag that you use for food I would urge you to wash them often to reduce contamination and bacteria!

Isn't it a beautiful sight?

The absurdity of it all

2010-03-27T13:28:00.002-04:00

I was upstairs today watching 16 and Pregnant on my computer (I know, I know...) waiting the 10 minutes to get the full negative result on my OPK today (Ovulation Predictor test) and I thought to myself, How strange is this? I'm a 31 year old woman sitting waiting on an ovulation test (knowing full well it's too early, but you never know) watching a 16 year old raise her baby. It's just too ridiculous for words really.

I had my first follicle check on Thursday following my first round of Clomid. It went well in that there were actually follicles!! For those of you that are blessed to not ever have to take a fertility medication, Clomid works by helping my body to produce follicles which are the little "incubators" that will release an egg. The hope is that by taking Clomid, my body will produce at least 1-2 mature follicles that will release an egg during ovulation that we can hopefully fertilize, to create a baby. The reason for frequent monitoring, both by ultrasound and blood tests is to make sure that the medication has created follicles of an appropriate size, and that there aren't too many of them. If there are too many, then the doctor will make us abstain from sex because the risk of High Order Multiples (HOM) is too high. Clomid can also cause a whole other list of side effects including a thinned uterine lining. You need a thicker uterine lining to support embryo implantation. Oh so much to know!

The u/s tech didn't tell me how many follies there were, or how big they were, just that they were small. So I had to wait on pins and needles all day until I finally talked to them again at 3:30. They told me that they want me back on Monday or another u/s and more b/w. So I took that news as there is hope that my little follies could actually mature in time. With a stimulated cycle (like with Clomid) the follicles usually grow 1-3mm/day according to what I've found online. So we're keeping our fingers crossed that we have a shot at least this cycle. I will definitely be asking for the details when I go for my tests on Monday. I need to know more details!

So far so good

2010-03-22T10:26:00.003-04:00

I am on the last day of the Clomid today. I've been taking them right before bed every night, so I will take the last pill tonight. I have been so lucky with this medication, I have not had one side effect (knock on wood!). I have noticed a little bit of dry mouth and increased thirst, but who knows if it's the Clomid or not.

I'm becoming more and more used to the Metformin as well, and the horrible side effects are less and less. If I do eat something that I know my stomach is not going to like I just make sure I stick close to home. Gone are the days I can have a bagel and cream cheese from Tim Hortons for lunch if I'm in a rush!

The treadmill is going great though. I've been trying to get on it 3-4 times a week for a half hour each time. My goal is to be able to jog on the treadmill like I was able to do before I met Andre. Right now I can only jog for about a minute before I get too tired, so I just stick to the walking and jog as much as I can. I've also been watching the snacking at night. That has been the hardest thing to do! I don't know why but it's like my body has been conditioned to expect to snack all evening long.

All the hard work has been worth it though, and in the two weeks since I started I have lost 2.6kg, or approximately 5.7 pounds. Not a lot, but a good start I think. I know that I need to incorporate some resistance training, but right now I want to get a good routine established with the cardio before I add something else to the mix. I don't want to stress about it, and then just stop all together.

Now the wait is on for Thursday morning. This will be the moment of truth in terms of the Clomid. I get the bloodwork and the ultrasound done to see if it has actually done anything. I don't know whether the lack of symptoms is an indication of it not working, so I'm trying not to read into that too much. I'm praying that there will be a follicle (or two) and that they will be mature enough to make me ovulate this cycle. It will make me feel like all the craziness with the Provera this cycle will have been worth it. I try not to dwell on it that much though. Otherwise it will make me crazy, and lately I don't need that much help with that!

Here goes nothing!

2010-03-18T23:03:00.004-04:00

We (I) officially start Clomid tonight. I'm trying to remember that Dr C doesn't have much faith that 50mg of Clomid will work, but we're still being optimistic, miracles can happen right?

Cross your fingers and toes people!

Long time no talk!

2010-03-14T17:28:00.004-04:00

As usual there has been a lot and yet nothing going on around here since I last blogged. The usual work/life stuff has been going on. Work has been steady this week, so the earlier mornings and later evenings mean I'm usually too pooped to do much blogging in the evenings. I was also too psycho to really do any blogging anyway.

The psycho-ness was due to round 2 of Provera. Andre was joking I was being a little like Cybil last weekend. It was horrible, absolutely horrible. The mood swings were crazy. But Andre and I survived the 10 day round of hell with our marriage, and lives intact, so I think that we did okay! Andre is always surprising me with his understanding, and calmness through all of this. He is definitely my rock.

The Metformin was extremely rough for the first few days as well. Hormones and nausea along with other bowel related side effects equals a very cranky Jenna. I'm slowly learning what foods I can tolerate well and what ones I can't. I'm also discovering that forgetting to take my Metformin right after I finish my last bite of dinner is a bad thing as well. This was the case last night. I will try not to make that mistake again any time soon.

I am trying my best to follow the RE's orders and I started exercising. We've talked forever about getting a treadmill for the house for me to use, and now seemed like as good a time as any. So it's set up in the basement, and starting with 3 days a week I get up an hour early, turn on my MP3 player and walk for a half an hour. It's going really well, and I don't know whether it's the exercise, or the Metformin leveling out my insulin levels but I have been sleeping so well at night. For the longest time I would toss and turn, and the last 4 or 5 days I have slept like the dead at night. It is wonderful. Next on the list is curbing the evening snacking. This is my downfall. Cutting that out will be the hardest thing so far.

Next on the list is waiting for good old Aunt Flo to arrive. I took my last Provera late last week, so now the waiting game is on. I'm a little nervous and scared, because this will also be our first medicated cycle. I know Dr. C wasn't too optimistic about it working, but wouldn't it be awesome if it did? I try to be cautiously optimistic about it all, and not make myself any more crazy. Some days are easier than others.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

2010-03-04T11:53:00.006-05:00

That pretty much sums up our day yesterday. Yesterday being another appointment with Dr. C our RE. We had both been walking on eggshells since last week. First in anticipation of Andre's Semen Analysis (SA) on Monday, then the results on Wednesday. It's been a rough few days with most of it spent constantly nit-picking at each other. We were both so frustrated, nervous and on edge and we took that frustration out on each other. Not fun.

So first off at the clinic was a full round of ultrasounds for me. Yeah, more quality time with the dildo cam! (this is sarcasm people!) The ultrasound tech was a wonderful woman, she joked that I could still smile and laugh even though she was pushing on my full bladder. I told her I've had so many u/s over the last year that I've discovered the ideal amount of water to drink so my bladder is nice and full, but not so much I'm grimacing in pain on the table.

Now you may remember reading that I've had two other u/s done, one from my family doctor when I first approached her with what was going on, and other time with my gyno who specifically sent me for u/s's to rule out PCOS. Well I don't know what happened when both of those doctors said that everything was clear, because clear as day were a bunch of tiny little cysts on my ovaries. Here is a picture of a poly cystic ovary:

From what I saw on my u/s picture mine were more bunched together, but you get the picture. The picture above is pretty much textbook Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome findings. So after all this time, 18 months of wondering why I was not ovulating I know the reason. I have PCOS. At least now we have a diagnosis. Since Andre's SA results came back and he passed with flying colours, we can now move on to the next step: treatment.

In addition to some lifestyle modifications that I need to make, Dr C has prescribed Metformin to help manage some of the symptoms associated with the PCOS, Provera to end this never ending 80+ day cycle, Clomid that I am to start on Cycle Day (CD) 3 as soon as the next cycle begins. This medication will help to stimulate ovulation, but he is doubtful that the doseage he recommended will do the trick. He said he was going to "give me the benefit of the doubt". Finally he changed my regular OTC prenatal vitamin to PregVit5 which is a higher dosage prenatal to counteract the nasty side effects, and possible malabsorption of nutrients of the Metformin, and my IBS. All I have to say is thank goodness for health insurance! Even with our coverage, we ended up paying over $100 for all the medications.

I started taking the Metformin and the Provera last night. Today I'm feeling pretty good, but not 100%. I don't feel any nausea, but just feeling blah, and a little off. Hopefully that's as bad as it gets today.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much for this upcoming cycle especially when Dr C doesn't feel that it will work, but I just can't help it. I know Andre is excited, he was a little bummed when I told him that the medication might not work and I might not ovulate at all. I don't know who will be more disappointed by a big fat negative (BFN), me or him. Until then we have faith. Faith that we are in good hands, and that we are on the right path to becoming parents.

(The source of the image used was found here)

Without faith a man can do nothing;

with it all things are possible.

~Sir William Osler

Mean to Green (er)

2010-03-02T22:37:00.003-05:00

I was at my local Shoppers Drugmart picking up a few things and realized that I needed to pick up some all purpose cleaning wipes. I'm standing in the aisle, scanning the shelves, and cannot for the life of me find my plastic tub of Method biodegradable all purpose cleaning wipes and I discovered that they're in a plastic pouch. I was a little bummed out but picked them up and brought them home. I was bummed because I was thinking to myself that at least the plastic tub I could throw in the recycling bin, with this pouch I will have to throw it in the garbage.

Well those clever people at Method had done something absolutely fabulous, not only had they created fabulous wipes that I can use all over my house then throw in my compost bin (!!!) that smell like pink grapefruit (yummy), they had improved on the packaging and put them in recyclable pouches that use 60% less plastic than the regular recyclable tubs they usually come in. How great is that?!

Now onto the review!

For a long time I have been a fan of cleaning wipes. Really, who isn't? One thing that I didn't like about some of the others out there was that a)they contain nasty chlorine bleach and b) they were not biodegradable. I just felt horrible throwing something out in the garbage. So when "green" became popular I decided to try out some new products. I started out with Green Works wipes, but honestly, I try and steer away from these products if at all possible simply because they are made by Clorox.

Then one day while out shopping I found the Method wipes. They are fabulous! I have tried some of the their other products and liked them so I figured I couldn't go wrong. I have used these wipes in the kitchen, the bathroom, wherever. They are just as strong and effective as the other wipes out there, and they smell so yummy. The best part is that after you're done cleaning you can throw them in your compost bin!

I've always picked up my favourite Method products at Shoppers Drugmart, but they are also available at Canadian Tire and Sobeys.

First Visit-Check

2010-02-25T11:16:00.005-05:00

We had our first visit at the Fertility Clinic yesterday afternoon and had the chance to meet Dr. C yesterday. The visit went really well, and we are now in the midst of getting all of our preliminary tests and blood work done. Andre was so funny when we were sitting in the waitingroom before our appointment yesterday. It was us and two other couples waiting for appointments. Andre turns to me and whispers "Jenna, we're not the only ones!" It made me smile.

Now begins the rollercoaster of trying to figure out what is the problem. Originally my gyno Dr. A had said after the blood work and ultrasounds that it wasn't PCOS, but Dr C isn't convinced, and has ordered more indepth bloodwork to rule that out as well as the usual hormone level work up and all the STD screening that is required. All in all over the past two days I have had 12 vials of blood taken from my arm. That breaks my record of 6 vials taken one year. I am very lucky though that both of the lab techs, one at the Fertility Clinic and the other at the lab were very good and I am hopeful that I will only have two small bruises to show for it.

Next week is the big week, with Andre's Semen Analysis on Monday, and then my second appointment on Wednesday for (yet another round of) ultrasounds and a pelvic exam, they'll probably throw another pap in there for good measure I imagine. We both have our fingers crossed for Monday. The thought of male factor infertility is almost too much to imagine right now. We've briefly discussed what we would do if that was the case, but the possibility of having to consider IVF or donor IUI is too much to think about right now. But like Andre and I tell eachother all the time, we will cross that bridge if we get to it. Right now we just have faith that he is fine and our only hurdle is figuring out what my issue is.

Well that is it for now!

What a difference a day makes

2010-02-22T17:18:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was an abnormally mild day for February. It was a great day though. The sun was shining, the light dusting of snow that was on the ground was melting. I think almost everyone in my neighbourhood decided to get out of the house and go for a walk yesterday. I know we did! I also turned down the thermostat and opened the windows to air the house out. Andre loves the fresh air, so he was more than happy to open the windows. So was Mikey, he ran from one end of the house to another, then would jet up the stairs and do the same thing upstairs running from one bedroom to another. We decided he must have had an early case of spring fever!

Today was completely different on the other hand. I had the day off today so I decided I would make a trip downtown to renew my healthcard, and maybe do a little shopping at the only Cotton Ginny left in the city (they have fabulous organic cotton clothing). I checked the forecast and they were forecasting 5-10cm of snow. Not really a ton of snow, but I was really doubtful as we haven't really had that much snow this entire winter. For once they were right!

Thank goodness I was smart enough to wear my winter boots when I left this morning because the snow started around noon as I was waiting for my bus home. Here is what our backyard looks like now. Keep in mind when I left the house this morning all you could see was grass everywhere.

Even my tracks that I made a few hours ago are almost filled up. Mother nature makes no signs of stopping either. It's still snowing big fluffy snow flakes out there. It was so nice this afternoon to curl up under my big blanket and just relax in my warm house instead of being outside. Days like today also remind me of when we lived in the apartment. It was a basement apartment so there were no huge windows that showed what was going on outside. The biggest windows were in the front of the house, so when it snowed we would keep wandering to the bedroom checking out how much snow had fallen then wait for the plough to go down the street so we could rush outside and dig out the car that was parked on the street.

Now thankfully we're in the townhouse, and there is a company that comes to clear out the parking lot so we rarely have to shovel a flake. But just in case we always have a shovel waiting in the shed just beside our front door.

February 24th

2010-02-15T18:14:00.004-05:00

This is the day that a new journey will begin. This is the day of our consultation with Dr. C the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) that we have been referred to. I was very shocked to come home from a morning out with my friend Pam on Friday to a message written in the kitchen that Andre had taken. I expected to be waiting longer than a week and a half, but it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

We are now being sent to someone who deals solely with trying to get women knocked up. We can now relax knowing that someone is going to tell us #1 if it's possible, and #2 how to make it possible. The best part (for me) is that one of the first tests they will run is a Semen Analysis, meaning for once Andre will be examined under a microscope, not me. From here they will know if they're dealing with a problem with both of us, or just myself.

**Fingers crossed everything with Andre is fine**

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers on the 24th!

Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T17:34:00.009-05:00

Valentine's Day turned out to be a fairly busy day. We had company over the night before so we both slept in and took our time getting ready for the day. Andre had decided that we were going to drive out to the Butterfly Conservatory in Niagara Falls, and have lunch to mark the special day. In the end we had lunch at a restaurant close to our house and then hopped on the highway from there for the drive to the conservatory.

We had first visited the conservatory right after we were engaged, so it's been about 5 years we last visited. We've only ever visited in the winter, but I think it would be a great place to visit in the spring/summer, so you could take advantage of the nice weather and take a walk through the Botanical Gardens that are in the same area. We've only ever seen everything covered in snow.

It's funny to see people, young and old, man and woman snapping picture after picture of the butterflies, and holding out their arms hoping one might land on them. It was especially funny to see the biker-type guy yesterday shout out to his friends that one had landed on his arm. The best part of this place is that it's nice and warm to accommodate all the butterflies. Here are some pictures:

When we got home Andre promptly banished me to the living room and told me that he had a "project" and I was not allowed to even peak into the kitchen. This immediately made me nervous, but I went along with it and went to play Super Mario for Wii in the living room.

Well after about 20 minutes of salivating from the smell of melted chocolate, and listening to Andre curse I went into the kitchen when he explained that his project was a big catastrophe. Yes, he used to word catastrophe. I went into the kitchen and found a recipe for black and white dipped chocolate covered strawberries and three bowls filled with various stages of burnt chocolate.

And a very frustrated Andre. He told me that it wasn't fair, I had made chocolate covered strawberries and they had turned out great, and nothing was working for him. So I tried to salvage as much as I could. I carefully peeled off the globs of chocolate he managed to get onto the strawberries and got him to gently pat the water off the strawberries (problem #1, the strawberries need to be dry). Then instead of melting the chocolate in the microwave, I used the stove ("Jenna, it said to use the microwave."). After constant stirring and some added water we managed to get the chocolate melted and smooth. Then I let him dip the strawberries.

He really wanted to add the melted white chocolate like the recipe said, so I melted down some white chocolate (Jenna, it's not going to work, I already tried.") and left him alone so he could finish up the last few steps on his own. In the end it ended up being more of dual project, but I think he did really well.

It's the thought that counts right?

After dinner we collapsed on the couch and ended up watching The Great Sperm Race on Discovery (which we both found very entertaining). And then we both almost fell asleep watching Olympic pairs figure skating.

One Step Closer

2010-02-08T20:53:00.004-05:00

This morning was the follow up appointment with my gynocologist, Dr. A. My first appointment with him I was impressed. Finally someone who was concerned about what was going on, and not going on. Someone who was on my side! This feeling quickly faded with subsequent appointments with him. I felt that he was just not prepared, and didn't even take the time to review my chart before entering the room. He was always asking questions that he had already asked (and already recorded in my chart). Not very reassuring.

Today was no different. This time was a little different in that Andre came with me, and came into the treatment room with me. I think this was a little bit of an eye opener for him with all the life-sized female reproductive system pictures, and models. Also the exam table with the stirrups was right in front of us.

Dr A started by asking me when my last menstrual cycle was. I told him the date (almost 60 days ago). He then asked me if he had "assisted with this". Seriously?! This was the doctor that prescribed the 14 days of the Provera. Check your chart doc, seriously. I told him yes, he had prescribed 14 days of Provera. He asked me a few questions about how I was on it, and I told him the length of my period. He then asked what we wanted to do next. I told him we were trying to get pregnant.

He then told me that there was no reason why this couldn't happen as my hormone levels were completely normal (flipped through the chart for this information), and my ultrasounds were all normal. He then told me that I could just call him anytime for an ultrasound to confirm a pregnancy! I was a little speechless at this point. I then very calmly told Dr A that I had been charting since the day I stopped taking birth control almost 18 months prior, and that I did.not.ovulate. Again, all information that was in my chart!

So the best part of the appointment was that he told me that he would be referring me to Dr C. Dr C is a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) and he runs a Fertility Clinic in my city. So Andre and I are one step closer. Hopefully by the end of the month we will just be counting the days (or weeks) until our first visit with the RE. Someone who will tell us definitively what we will have to do to have a baby of our own.

Until then we will continue to chart, and pray that maybe, just maybe we'll be able to do this the old fashioned way.

A year ago today....

2010-02-05T23:19:00.003-05:00

....Andre and I were finishing up the first week in our new home. The house was a mess of boxes, boxes, and more boxes. The living room floor was still old stained parquet wood flooring, the dining room was old stained threadbare carpeting littered with little bits of wallpaper from the walls. We still had a washer and dryer in the laundry room that was older than I am, and our "guest room" was more like a cemetery for boxes of stuff we had no home for.
Fast forward one year. We have hosted one Easter dinner, one Thanksgiving dinner, and one Christmas dinner (and to answer your question, we will not be hosting that many family dinners this year!). We've had our share of fights over who's way is the right way to paint a wall (the answer is my way). We've (okay I've) had a major breakdown over how to use the previously mentioned washing machine, then another breakdown when my brand new dryer cord doesn't reach the plug on the laundry room wall.
We've hosted countless friends, had our first (second, third...) BBQ in our own backyard, using our own BBQ! Opened our doors to family and friends who have needed a place to rest their weary head overnight. Best of all we have transformed a very outdated place that housed our belongings into our HOME. It has been an incredible ride filled with shouting and tears, and smiles and laughter. I have no clue what the next year holds but I know that together Andre and I will conquer it together.

"A house is made of walls and beams;

a home is built with love and dreams."

~Source Unknown

Randomness from Andre

2010-02-05T23:05:00.003-05:00

Last night Andre decided that he would cuddle up with me while I was watching Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice, otherwise known in our house as "so-help-me-if-you-talk-to-me-anytime-other-than-a-commercial-I-will-kill-you". Here is a snapshot of two of the random thoughts that came out of his mouth:

::Andre staring at me::
Andre: Jenna how much does it cost to get your hair dyed at the hair dressers?
ME:
::sigh:: Why? Don't you like my hair?
Andre: Well....You're too young to have all that grey.

In all fairness I have been letting my roots grow in a lot the last 6 months, and have been putting off buying a box colour until I get it cut. Sometimes it is odd to have a husband who is more concerned with your grey hair than you are.

This one is the best:

(Still watching Grey's Anatomy, this gem was saved for a commercial break)
Andre: Jenna have you ever wondered whatever happened to Richard Greico?
:: insert my patented What-the-eff face here::
Andre: You know the guy from 21 Jump Street...
ME: Umm, yeah I know who he is, my question is why are you wondering whatever happened to him?
Andre: I don't know I just wondered.

I will never, ever figure out the male brain and how it can jump from grey hair to Richard Greico.

More waiting

2010-01-26T23:20:00.004-05:00

It has now been a month and a half since I finished the Provera. Just as I suspected, no period. I had little faith that I would get one, but I decided I would humour the doctor. I've also been trying to call the gyno for the last two days to try and book my follow up appointment. Monday, no answer, just voicemail. Today, more of the same, so I left a message this time with my reason for wanting to book an appointment. Hopefully I'll hear back from them sometime this week. They were so vague on the voicemail too, "I cannot answer the phone as I am either busy, on the other line, or the office is closed.". Well what is it? You'd think if the office was closed for more than one day they would leave a message stating that. Oh well.

Andre has been the little optimist through this whole thing. He is the one with the never ending faith that one day we will be parents. Me on the other hand, I tend to be more of a realist in these situations. Even the other night he turned to me and asked "how my temperatures have been, and did I think I was ovulating?" You'd think after your wife harping about how she never, ever ovulates, you'd know the answer, but in his mind, anything is possible. I just told him, most likely no, but you can never tell.

Hopefully some of that optimism will rub off on me.

Mean to Green (er)

2010-01-24T21:22:00.003-05:00

I decided that I was going to do something productive while relaxing tonight, and review one of my favourite green (er) products.

I've always had a love hate relationship with bleach. I love that it keeps my whites bright and well...white, and that it disinfects like a champ, but hate the chemical smell, and the risk of bleach spots on my dark clothing. I was talking about this exact thing with my friend Pam months ago and she mentioned a product that she loved.

I have been converted. Not only is it safe for colours (what a thought!), it's concentrated so you don't need to use a ton of it, and it does.not.smell. When was the last time you used bleach and didn't smell anything?

Now for the question of whether or not this stuff works. Does it work just like Clorox? No. Does it help to remove stains, and keep my whites white? Yes. To help boost the cleaning power of this stuff I just let my white load soak for 15 minutes, and ta da! Clean clothes.

Now if you all excuse me I have to go beat my darling husband who is making fun of my review of bleach.

Spaghetti Sauce Recipe

2010-01-12T13:13:00.002-05:00

I was still running a fever late yesterday afternoon, so I am still sick. What better way to use my time off then post another slow cooker recipe. I'm sure you could make this recipe on your stove top, but why?

This recipe originially hailsfrom 300 Slow Cooker Favorites by Donna-Marie Pye, with some changes from me. This is one of the best recipes I have found that not only stretches a jar of tomato sauce and a pound and a half of ground meat something fierce, but it also comes full of veggies which is a recipe must have in our house.

Anthony's Big Ragu (spaghetti sauce)

1 lb ground turkey
1/2 lb ground beef
2 onions finely chopped
5 cloves of garlic minced
1 stalk of celery, finely chopped
handful of spinach leaves finely chopped
4 tbsp Clubhouse Italiano Seasoning
1 can diced tomatoes with juices
1 carrot finely chopped
8 oz mushrooms, sliced
1 red bell pepper, finely chopped
1 can of pasta sauce (or roughly 3 1/2 cups)

In a large skillet brown the ground turkey and beef. Drain and add to slowcooker.

Add the rest of the ingredients to the slowcooker and stir to combine.

Cover and cook on LOW for 8-10 hours, or on HIGH for 4-6 hours, until hot and bubbling. Serve over your favourite pasta, or over some spaghetti squash just like we're going to do tonight. That way there is no guilt even though I'm also eating garlic bread.

This recipe works best with a 6-7 quart slowcooker.

My Day off

2010-01-11T13:40:00.003-05:00

I am currently sitting in my dining room praying my congested nose doesn't start to randomly drip all over my netbook keyboard. I know, you're all jealous.

I'm actually waiting for my miracle cure to be ready. Homemade turkey soup. I am a firm believer that homemade soup can cure anything. Thank goodness I always try and keep some frozen chicken stock in my freezer for just this sort of day. It also helps when someone in my family gets sick as well. There's nothing like being curled up on your couch (or bed for that matter) with a big fluffy blanket and a steaming bowl of soup. Well actually there is something better, doing all of that, but not being sick!

I was so bummed today. I had planned to get today with my friend Pam and her daughter Abbey this morning, and then get together with my friend Mary Ann tonight for a fun evening of hot chocolate and Wii Super Mario Brothers. Alas, I am still feeling like poop, so I opted out of these plans to rest up at home. We have a wedding of a friend this weekend and I really want to rest up so Andre and I (along with Mary Ann) can have a blast dancing the night away on Saturday.

I hope everyone in Blog Land is having a better Monday than I am!

Interesting article

2010-01-04T10:33:00.004-05:00

I was at a family dinner on New Years Day and I was reminded of an article while listening to my Aunt. My aunt is a very unhappy woman. She's mentioned to me (and other family members) about the dismal state of her marriage, and talks non-stop about how she hates the whole mundane routine of working, taking care of her house, and her children (I would like to mention that her children are not "children", they are 23, 20 and 17). If you give her the chance she will go on and on about how horrible it is to have to work all day, come home, make dinner and clean after her family. On New Years day, she went on for at least a half an hour. So long in fact that my other "aunt" who is in her 70's got up and left the table because she was just so sick of listening to the ranting.

Now while listening to her tirade I was reminded of this article, talking about this book. I had read this article after it was posted on a forum I read. In it the "Superior Wife" is described. In the article they talk about how this over-achieving wife takes over all aspects of keeping the house and family running that eventually they are resentful, and miserable. This I think describes my aunt perfectly. Her house, always immaculate. She complains about having to do all the housework around the house, yet she she still makes the bed, does the laundry, and prepares lunches for her two adult, and one teen aged child. Hello! How about you take a step back and let them take care of themselves for a change?

As I've listened to other family members and friends describe situations with their husbands I am reminded of this article more and more. Hell, I hate to admit it, but I find myself doing the same thing occasionally.

I was at lunch with my friend Pam a couple months ago, and she was going on and on about how her husband "can't do this, can't do that". I looked her right in the eye, and told her that every task she was describing was indeed something that he could do, but she wouldn't let him do them. They were all simple things like putting her daughter to bed, cook dinner, pack a box when they were moving, etc. She was so adamant that he couldn't do these things she actually banged her fist on the table and yelled "no he can't do them!" I told her calmly that yes he could do these things, but she was a control freak, and he wouldn't do them her way, so she didn't want him to do these tasks. She just looked at me for a second and admitted that yes, this was the case.

Please note that only a fellow control freak could call a friend a control freak and get away with it!

I wonder quite often how many of us do this same thing. Just sit back complaining about our husbands, and how useless they are when in reality it is us that is creating this chain of events. Would we want to do a task when every time we go to complete it we are told we're not doing it right? I'm guessing no. So why do we do the same thing to our husbands?

Been Baking

2010-01-03T18:29:00.003-05:00

A little while ago I was blog surfing, and I came across a blog entry talking about a new cook book that was out. Actually they were giving away free copies of this cook book. I was intrigued to say the least. So I did some more surfing and decided to purchase Pioneer Woman's new cookbook. I have tried out a couple recipes, but they have all been from the dessert section.

The first was this recipe for a chocolate sheet cake for Andre's birthday. It turned out really well, and sure enough, everyone did moan about how good it was.

Then last week (New Years Eve to be exact) I wanted a brownie. Actually I needed a brownie, so I cracked open her cookbook again and made her mocha brownie recipe. I'm not a huge fan of mocha icing though so I substituted the icing recipe from the chocolate sheet cake instead. They were so yummy, I served them as dessert for our company for New Years Eve.

Here is a picture of the finished product:

Going to pat myself on the back...

2010-01-02T19:37:00.006-05:00

...because Andre and I just finished caulking the bathtub and it actually doesn't look half bad! The last time that we had to have the bathroom caulked we had my friend do it. She worked with her uncle at his construction company, so she did a pretty good job at it. So she re caulked the bathtub before we moved in, but I had been noticing that some places were starting to peel, and then this morning noticed that there was one area on the side that was not attached to the tub surround anymore. Not good.

So before going out to the movies I took all the old stuff off and cleaned it up so it could dry while we were out. Then we came home and followed these instructions and set to work.

Once Andre figured out that with the help of the painters tape he didn't have to be so neat about it we made some progress. He caulked, and I smoothed everything out. After taking off the painter's tape I made another go around smoothing everything out, and I think that we did a not so bad job, for rookies!

I know, you're blinded by the pink tub, and tacktastic tub surround, so you'll have to look past that!

A little late I know...

2010-01-02T19:27:00.004-05:00

I had promised earlier to post a little picture of some DIY holiday decor and I totally slacked off. So better late than never here it is!

The one in the middle is actually a square vase filled with seasonal potpourri that we had received as a gift. I had no idea what to do, so I went with the red and silver scheme in it and decided to make use of two other square vases that I had kicking around.

I went to Zellers and picked up some plastic red faceted Christmas balls and some small shiny and sparkly silver balls. I played around with them until they were where I wanted them, and Ta Da! Cheap Holiday Decor.

I have seen Christmas balls used as decor quite a bit this holiday season, but I didn't want to use glass balls as I didn't want them to break. I think that this looks just as good, and it's a little more guest and pet friendly. This way if my cat decided to play I wouldn't be cleaning up shards of glass everywhere! So keep it in mind for next year or this year when you're out shopping and see some decorations on clearance!

Slow Cooker Chicken and Rice

2009-12-30T14:44:00.005-05:00

(taken from the Crock Pot Recipe Card Collection)

I got a recipe card collection for Christmas last year for my slow cooker. You may have noticed that quite a few of the recipes I share are for slow cookers. Andre and I both work long hours at work, and the earliest either of us arrives home to start dinner is 6:45. Pretty late to start a traditional dinner that takes an hour to cook. Needless to say I cheat and use my slow cooker a lot so we can still have a good meal together at the end of the day.

This is one of my favourites. I was a little skeptical when I read the ingredients, but let me tell you, coming into your house at the end of a long day and taking a whiff of this great dinner will turn you into a believer! Just whip up some veggies, and dinner is done. In fact, this is cooking in my kitchen at this very moment.

Slow Cooker Chicken and Rice

Ingredients:

3 cans of condensed cream of chicken soup (we use the sodium reduced, or reduced fat varieties)

1 lb of chicken breasts or cutlets (can be frozen)

2 cups of brown instant rice, not cooked

1 cup of water

1/2 cup chopped celery

salt, pepper and paprika

Start by adding the soup, rice and water to the slow cooker.

Mix well, and then add the chicken. I always cheat, and add the chicken while it's frozen, you can always thaw it first.

Then season with a little salt and pepper, and paprika, and add the chopped celery on top.

Cover, and cook on Low for 6-8 hours (I find 6-6.5 works perfectly), or on High for 3-4 hours. This is how is should look:

If you are cooking your chicken from frozen, I would suggest checking to make sure the chicken is fully cooked with a meat thermometer (I'm a little bit of a freak like that making sure the meat is cooked properly, regardless if frozen or thawed from the start).

Make some veggies and dinner is done!

Enjoy! I know we will tonight!

Christmas Rundown

2009-12-24T14:26:00.003-05:00

Christmas Eve already! Thankfully I booked yesterday and today off work to get the last minute things done.

This was all that we had to do, and what we still need to do in order to be ready to host dinner tomorrow:

~~clean out upstairs hallway of all paint and reno supplies~~
~~clean up main floor of all the misc crap that we've been collecting this week~~
~~clean up the master bedroom to store coats tomorrow~~
~~make belgian cookies for dessert Christmas day~~
~~make dough for cinnamon rolls for breakfast Christmas morning~~
~~clean out fridge to make room for yummy leftovers~~
~~quickly wash kitchen and diningroom floor~~
~~place all the wrapped Christmas presents under the tree~~

Saved for tomorrow before company arrives:

vacuum carpet in the upstairs hallway and master bedroom
clean bathrooms, and clear personal items off of counter
make up guest bedroom for in-laws arrival
close office door so our company can't see the mess that is this room
sometime in there save a couple minutes to just enjoy the day with Andre before the craziness of company begins.

It doesn't seem so daunting now that I have it all written down!

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, and enjoys this precious time with their families and friends!

Mean to Green (er)

2009-12-21T22:49:00.004-05:00

Wow, I have really been slacking off with this haven't I? I promise that with the long awaited Christmas vacation that I have booked off work that I will add a few more of these little tips.

You may or not remember that with my last Mean to Greener entry I talked about my love of my steam mop. One thing that I love about the mop are the micro fibre cleaning cloths and how I can throw them in the laundry instead of throwing them into the trash. The one thing I didn't love is that clear as day on the tag of any micro fibre item is the warning not to use fabric softener! One of my vices is my:

I know, I know, but I love the smell! So I had a problem. But then I remembered something I had read about using some:

instead of fabric softener. After a little searching on the internet to assure myself that my laundry would not end up smelling like french fries, I gave it a shot. And let me tell you I was shocked! Not only were my towels soft and fluffy, but they were just clean smelling. No artificial scents!

All I needed was a couple tablespoons of vinegar diluted with water poured into the automatic softener dispenser in my washing machine. Just a word to those out there still using Chlorine Bleach that these two things do not mix, so do not use the same together in a load or you will create very toxic fumes.

So now the next time you just happen to be out of fabric softener, or you just want to switch to something a little less toxic just reach for the vinegar in your pantry and you will be set!

And we wait some more

2009-12-21T22:36:00.003-05:00

Well I finished the dreaded two weeks of Provera. Overall not a horrible experience. I ended up spotting all but three days of the two weeks, but didn't experience any terrible side effects aside from the PMS and cramps from hell the last week.

I knew by the second week that I would be getting a period. There was no way my body could hurt that badly if I wasn't going to get a period. And sure enough the last day of the course of Provera the period to end all periods arrived. I was happy that my body achieved the desired result at least.

So now we wait. I am to now wait a month to see if the Provera will kick start my cycles. I don't have terribly high hopes, but my mother tells me to be optimistic. We have also decided that regardless of what happens, that I am not going back on the pill. Instead we are going to try for a baby. A huge step, and one that we are both on the same page about. It took some discussing. Andre, bless him, was hesitant because he thought that I would get pregnant right away. Once I explained that with my track record of one ovulation per year, this would be next to impossible to happen right away without the help of a miracle, he was more relaxed.

It's funny, but lately it seems like he's talking about children and babies more often. Even last night we were in church at their annual Christmas Candlelight Service and there was a young couple seated behind us with a newborn. At one point Andre turned to me and whispered that I had to turn around, there was a baby that was brand new behind us and he was so cute with a little Santa hat on. I thought it was the sweetest thing.

Who knows, maybe next Christmas we'll be busy planning for our own little baby on the way. One can only hope.

Guestroom makeover

2009-12-21T22:21:00.004-05:00

I just want to start by saying I think this is my new favourite room in the house. I just love how it turned out. We had our doubts when we started let me tell you. To refresh your memory this is what we started with. It was less than fabulous.

First off we painted every surface of the room. We used the new Behr paint and primer in one, and let me tell you, I am in love. We have already bought the paint for the office makeover. We used "Simply Sage". I originally wanted a neutral colour for the room and just came across this colour and brought it home on a whim. Andre fell in love with it too and we went in a different direction.

We then had some oak coloured laminate installed to cover the horrible wood flooring we found under the carpet. Then we hung some curtains, assembled our Ikea sofa bed/futon, and threw down an area rug that we had lying around. This is what we ended up with:

We obviously still need to add some finishing touches and some art to the walls, but it still wows me every time I go into the room how far we've come from the horrible rust coloured carpet, and the beige semi-gloss everywhere. My mother came over this weekend and said she found it hard to believe it's the same room compared to how it looked the day we got the keys.

I hope that Andre's parents enjoy their new home away from home when they come to stay with us for Christmas!

Childless=Lazy

2009-12-05T14:51:00.003-05:00

I'm afraid that this appears to be the opinion of one of my closest friends, or should I say "friends". This friend is actually my best friend, one of my closest, and longest friends. She has always come out with snippy comments as long as I've known her, but lately they have really been getting on my nerves.

Today's episode is courtesy of a message she left on our voicemail this morning inviting us over for tea to see their new house. Sounds harmless enough right? Wrong!

Now Andre and I love to sleep as much as the next person. Lately especially Andre because he rises long before the sun to get to work on time. My friend left the following message on our voicemail at 9:16 this morning:

"Hi guys it's *** calling! It's about 9:15 in the morning. I was just calling to see if you wanted to come over this morning for tea to see the new house. I know it's really early in the morning and you're probably asleep..." It goes on from there about how they're up early because of the "baby". Normally I try not to let this sort of thing bother me, but today it did. Maybe I can blame it on the artificial hormone induced PMS that I am no doubt experiencing for the first time in about 7 months. Yeah, we'll go with that.

It's her tone when she leaves messages like this on the phone. And for the record, this is not the first time she has left a message like this on our voicemail, every time we don't answer the phone when she calls on a Saturday morning the message begins with "Oh, you're probably sleeping..." in the tone. She might as well just say "It's 9:00 and you're not answering the phone?! How can you let the whole day pass you by like that?! We were up so early this morning with the baby. We are just so busy because of the baby" For the record the baby is almost a year and a half. More like toddler, than screaming infant.

The worst part is that I feel like justifying myself to her! When she leaves a message like that I feel like I have to tell her everything that I did that morning. "Oh I'm so sorry I couldn't answer! I was having a shower/cleaning the bathroom/vacuuming" I know, so glamorous! Today I couldn't answer because I was already at work. At my career. Something she wouldn't know about because she's never had a career. As much as I would love to tell her this, I know it would hurt her feelings, so I would never do that.

For now I think the next time she calls I'm going to respond with "I'm so sorry we couldn't come to the phone, we were having people over for brunch/hosting overnight guests/out shopping/at work/having fabulous sex in different rooms of the house or yes, sleeping, because you can still be busy and be child free!

*Disclaimer: I in no way intended to offend any mothers, working or stay-at-home with this rant. It is related to one specific person, and in no way describes my feelings about parenthood, otherwise Andre and I would not be trying to become parents.*

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas......

2009-12-01T19:05:00.005-05:00

At least in our livingroom that is! Since we went from a small one bedroom apartment to a house, our decorations are limited. We really only have enough for some decorations on the table in the diningroom and in the livingroom. I was so happy this Christmas because I was finally able to have a 'grown up' tree! We had a pre-lit 4 foot tree that we had put out in the apartment, but I wanted a full sized tree.

Andre and I scowered through flyers, looked at the beautiful (but expensive!) trees at Costco, and were at a loss. I wanted pre-lit. After being spoiled by our little one, I was not willing to go back. I also wanted a nice looking tree. All this meant lots of $$. Something I wasn't really wanting to spend! I had almost given up hope when I was at a Card making Workshop and the host of the workshop mentioned that she was selling a 7 foot pre-lit tree. It was two years old, but it was too big for her space. They had bought it for $200, but she was willing to sell it for $60. Needless to say it didn't take me long to accept her offer! The only catch was that it was multi coloured lights, and I'm partial to white, but for $60 I was willing to live with it for a couple years.

So here is our bargain basement tree all decorated and lit up in our living room!

I'm from the school that your tree should be a collection of all the things that remind you of the season, or mean something to you rather than something that is out of the pages of a magazine (not that there is anything wrong with that!). You will notice that in the picture. Every year I also pick out a Hallmark Collectable ornament. I'm hoping to find one that I like when I go Christmas shopping this coming Monday.

One other thing in our living room is my little Christmas Village. My grandmother decided to start buying me pieces for a village a couple years ago. I think she did this mainly because she loves them, and has always wanted one for herself. To be completely honest I was less than thrilled when I started receiving them. I think my exact words to my mother (when my grandmother was out of earshot of course) was "what the hell does she want me to do with these?". This because we had NO space for things like this in the apartment. Now that we do have the space, I am more than happy to put stuff like this on display.

So there is a little bit of the decorating that we have done for the holidays. I have a little DIY that I had done, but I haven't taken a picture, so that will just have to wait!

Here goes nothing

2009-12-01T12:23:00.004-05:00

I'm on day two of the Provera. I had some nausea and other bowel related symptoms yesterday. I also have IBS, so I'm hoping that was the cause otherwise it's going to be a very long two weeks. I have noticed today that my appetite has decreased, altogether this isn't a horrible thing, so we'll see how I feel over the next two weeks.

In other news Andre's 41st (!!!!) birthday is this Wednesday. We usually just do a dinner out and then get eachother a small gift to celebrate. I think I've decided to get him season 1 of Dexter as his gift. He became Dexter obsessed somewhere in the middle of Season 3, so he wants to catch up. I think my mother is going to get him Season 2 for Christmas, so we'll be watching some tv when we're both off over the holidays I think.

Busy Little Bees

2009-11-24T10:58:00.007-05:00

That is what Andre and I have been lately. You may (or may not) remember when I mentioned that my sister (and her boyfriend, and his daughter and his dog) would be moving out of my parents house into their own home, and moving their stuff out of our house. Well they did, at the beginning of the month! Our plan was to get the guestroom, where they were storing their bed, painted, and the carpet ripped out to be ready for Christmas. This is where the busy like bees part comes in.

Now that Andre has started his new job I thankfully have him home all weekend, so he has gotten just a hint of what most of my weekends have been like since we moved into our house.

Here is what we started with:

This room was also known as the room where beige semi-gloss came to die. Every surface in this room was covered in beige semi-gloss. The walls, the trim, the closet doors, hell even the ceiling! It was horrible. Our first step was to choose a paint colour. My plan was to do neutral in here, I had visions of creamy yellow walls and crisp white trim. I picked a few samples that fit the bill, then found the sample for Simply Sage. I just loved the colour so threw it in the pile. I got home, put the samples up on the wall, and well Andre loved the green colour. So we went with it.

Now this is what the room looks like:

These pictures were taken before I painted the trim yesterday. It is all a beautiful white, not beige. While you're looking at those pictures, look at the bottom of the picture. That horrible brown/rust colour is (was) the carpet! It was absolutely horrible! As of this past Saturday it is history. Destined for the dump as of this Saturday when we drop it off.

Our plan for the floor was to just leave the parquet wood floors until we could decide what to do with the flooring on the entire second floor. Then we discovered a teeny tiny spot of mold when we removed the baseboards. Then we decided to pull up the carpet to see what was underneath.

::Le Sigh:: Gotta love old water damage! So back to the drawing board for us. We decided that we would put laminate down on the floors of this room and the office. We would eventually (when budget permits) replace the carpet on the stairs, upstairs hallway and master bedroom.

Now the room is waiting for the new floors to be installed. My sister is having new laminate installed at her house, and the guy that is doing her floors is coming to give us an estimate later on this week, or early next week. He is doing an amazing job at her house, so I hope he gives us a good price!

Stay tuned for some more pictures over the next couple weeks as this room is completed!

Being put back together--Follow Up.

2009-11-21T19:59:00.004-05:00

I've been waiting to write this entry. Trying to let things settle in my brain a little bit.

So on Thursday morning I had the follow up with my gyno regarding my uterus. They had the results of my preliminary blood work (b/w), and my ultrasounds (u/s). All of my b/w was within the normal range. They had tested my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone), LH (Luteinizing Hormone), and my Prolactin levels, oh and a pregnancy test for good measure. Surprise, surprise, I am not pregnant.

Then they checked my u/s results. The purpose of the u/s was to rule out PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and to check the thickness of my uterine lining. It turns out that all my girl parts are perfect (for someone who doesn't get a period) and they ruled out PCOS. I guess the silver lining of this is that they didn't find anything wrong immediately. We'll go with that.

So the next step in all of this is a Progesterone Challenge . I was given the prescription for Provera, and I am to take it for 2 weeks. I am waiting for some pesky random spotting to stop before I start the prescription. I was told that if I do not get a period at the end of it all I am to call immediately to book another appointment. If I do get a period at the end of it, then I am to wait another month in the hopes that the Provera will have "kick-started" my cycles again. If it doesn't, I have to go back and they want to put me back on the Birth Control Pill (BCP).

This was the point of the appointment that I was not happy with. I feel like going back on the BCP is a huge step back. I asked what would happen when we wanted to try to conceive (TTC) if I went pack on the pill; I would have to go back off the pill, wait, TTC, and if unsuccessful go back to Dr. A for hormones to help me ovulate. Andre and I have talked, and we're not too keen on having to go back on BCP for 3-6 months (they want to put me on Seasonale) only to have to do the 6-12 month unsuccessful TTC wait, and then start fertility treatments that well, could take years to be successful. Let's face it, Andre isn't getting any younger (and my biological clock is already ticking).

So we have some thinking to do. We have thrown around the idea briefly over the last few days about starting to TTC in March. By then Andre will be done his probation period at work, he'll be at his maximum pay, and we'll have a benefit plan (although they don't cover any fertility medications, I already checked). Most importantly, the 5th of March is my 31st birthday. We still have alot to think about, and some numbers to crunch, especially being I am self-employed and do not get maternity leave benefits.

The good thing in all of this is that the ball is rolling, more slowly than I had hoped, but rolling nonetheless.

"Patience is the art of hoping."

~Marquis de Vauvenargues

Changes, Changes, and more Changes

2009-11-20T18:33:00.002-05:00

Hello Blog land!

I knew that it had been awhile since I did an update, but I didn't realize how long! Hmmm, well I'm a slacker, what can I say? Well that and there's just been so much going on around here, that blogging has been the last thing on my mind. There, that's my reason.

So, the last time I was here Andre had just gotten his new job. It is working out fabulously. Even with the stress of learning new things daily, and getting used to working with children everyday as a bus driver he is loving it. The one night we were sitting watching tv and I asked him how he liked the new job compared to his old one, and he said that even with the newness of the job and the different challenges it's less stressful.

What I do find funny is that his old boss was constantly doing things that I found suspicious or fishy. Even now, after Andre is gone from his old job, his boss is still doing things that are suspicious. Just two days ago Andre got his Record of Employment and last pay stubs from his old job. After looking over the ROE we realized that his boss had included the ROE from all of his chauffeur (occasional) work, but not from his shuttle (full-time) job. So according to his old company, the government of Ontario now thinks that in the last 2.5 years Andre only worked 149 hours. Andre called his old boss and after the office told him that his old boss had "forgotten" to do this.

Yeah.....likely story. Lets hope that things are corrected on the ASAP.

When one door closes another door opens

2009-11-07T17:19:00.003-05:00

Have I ever shared with you all my total and utter frustration with Andre's job? I'm sure I have. If I haven't, well we both hate is job. His boss is a bully that routinely likes to yell and humiliate his employees, and well, there are just too many specific things to write.

Andre's dream job would be to work for the city as a bus driver. The only problem with this is that they only accept job applications about twice a year, and then once you go through the testing, then the interview process you could wait up to another year before there is a vacancy that needs to be filled. Andre's second runner up dream job would be to work for a private school in our city as a school bus driver. Benefits, a pension, and twice as much money as what he is making now. Not a bad deal in exchange for driving a bunch of rich kids back and forth to school everyday!

An old co-worker of Andre's that told the boss to shove it a little while ago, told Andre that anytime he got sick of the boss to let him now and he'd put in a good word for Andre at the school. So earlier this year he gave Ernie his resume. They were hiring. Well after getting our hopes up for weeks, the start of the school year came and went. No phone call, no nothing.

So about a month into the school year I run into Andre at the office I work at, and he says that they are really under-staffed, and Andre should give them a call. Andre decides to fax another resume in (you never know if it got lost in the shuffle). He does the follow up phone calls, and again nothing. We give up. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be?

Then while we were eating breakfast on Monday morning we get a phone call. It's the school. They're hiring. They want Andre to come in for a little talk and driving test the next day. Thankfully Andre has the day off. He goes in, and talks to the head of the Transportation Department, then has a driving test with another Supervisor. The driving test goes fabulously. The Supervisor tells Andre that she is "impressed with his driving". Andre tells her he is impressed with the bus (brand new 2010 model). He is left with a great impression.

Fast forward to the next night. No word from the school, and Andre has talked to jerk..erm, boss, and the boss tells Andre that the Shuttle run that he has been driving for over the last 2 years isn't a big money maker (not a huge surprise) and that it's being stopped at the end of November. After that he can give Andre a "few limo runs", but gone are the guaranteed hours and pay of the shuttle. He comes home heartbroken and breaks the news to me. I went to bed that night and prayed and cried.

Andre and I had been so excited. It seemed like everything was finally working out our way. This new job was the answer to our prayers. We had decided that if Andre found another job making at least the same wage as me we could start a family. We could afford it. With this new job he would be making the same as me, and be getting benefits, not only that but I was on the way to figuring out what was going on with my faulty uterus. How could God bring us so close to everything we had ever wanted, only to bring us to the point of Andre losing his job? I prayed that I would have the strength to get through the next few days. I prayed that I would trust in His plan for us.

Over the next few days Andre and I would try our best to get through the day. Both of us checking the messages at home for any word. Nothing. To make matters worse Ernie called and told us (twice!) that Andre had it in the bag. He had the job. Very frustrating to hear when you haven't heard this from the company themselves!! So I called Andre on my lunch on Friday. Gave him the number for the woman in charge, and asked him to call her and find out when we could expect to hear the results of the interview.

He called and left a message and the supervisor ended up tracking him down on his cellphone to tell him that they wanted to hire him! Not only that, but they wanted him to start on Monday! It was like a huge relief. Our prayers had been answered. Andre told his boss that he was leaving at the end of his shift on Friday. He was scheduled to work Saturday night and Sunday all day and then he was done.

Monday is for new beginnings.

Being put back together. (TMI warning)

2009-11-07T16:52:00.004-05:00

Steps are finally being made to fix my brokenness. You can read about me being broken here and here. I finally had my first appointment with Dr. A last week. I was a little nervous as Dr. A had a foreign name, and I didn't know if this Dr A was a male or a female. My worst fears were that Dr A was a male with a horribly thick accent and a horrible bedside manor (totally had this before at my GP's office). I can now relax. Dr. A does not have a horrible accent, and he had a very good bedside manor. Phew! The weird thing is that his associate (also a Gyno) is my middle sisters ex-boyfriends father! Talk about small world.

It was a little weird sitting in the waiting room as I was the only one sitting there that was under the age of 50. I'm not kidding. The rest of waiting room was filled with empty nesters, that and there were about 10 clocks hanging on the walls. I want to know what the deal is with the clocks. The random things you notice when you're sitting uncomfortably in a specialists office.

So I went through a bunch of questions with Dr. A and a resident that he asked could join us. He seemed very concerned with my lack of a period. He was very adamant that I should be getting one period 4 times a year at the very minimum. The worry being a higher risk of certain cancers with the imbalance of hormones. I was relived that he seemed concerned with both the bleeding and the lack of periods instead of just ignoring one of the problems.

I had to do yet another vaginal exam (my third since January) and yet another pap smear (my second since January). He explained that I had my last in January, but he wanted to be able to rule out everything so he did another one. I'm getting to be a pro now. It makes me laugh every time a doctor does a vaginal exam now because they all say the same thing **TMI WARNING**

"Wow, you really do bleed alot" or "All I have to do is touch your cervix and you bleed" I feel like shaking my hands in the air and saying "No Shit! Now just figure out why and fix it!!!" It's like they haven't really been believing me until they see it for themselves.

This doctor seems to think the bleeding is caused by my transitional cells on my cervix changing location and moving too far forward, and because they are so fragile, every time they are touched I bleed. The root cause of this would be the lack of hormonal changes. In the meantime I was sent for some blood work "only three vials though", the lab tech told me. And another round of ultrasounds.

This time I learned that I'm a little more hydrated then the average person though because I was on the verge of being too full. Yes, too full. This was after I started drinking my water a whole 20 minutes later then they asked because my bladder was so full the first time I was in pain. I was practicing my deep breathing and she poked and prodded my bladder. The best part was when I finally got to empty my bladder. Heaven. But then I had to go back for part 2. The part I affectionately call the "dildo cam" Sorry Amy, I totally stole your name for it. The added bonus was when I had to hold my breath and poke my sides so she could get a good picture of my left and right ovary.

Now some more waiting. I have a follow up appointment in two weeks, so god willing Dr A will have been able to gleam something from my test results.

Halloween

2009-11-07T16:21:00.008-05:00

It's hard to believe that as I am writing this it is already a week after Halloween! Soon we will have been in the house for a year. This year has gone by so quickly, it's hard to believe I'm already thinking about Christmas decorations.

So, our first Halloween in the house. Andre booked the day off work. Silly to have to book the day off, on a day that you're suppose to have off anyways, but whatever. He took it off. We were going to give out candy to the little neighbourhood kiddos, and then head off later on that night for a Haunted walk at the Hermitage Ruins/Dundas Valley Conservation Area courtesy of Haunted Hamilton. We did another tour with them a couple years ago, and thought that a moonlit ghost walk on Halloween would be fun.

Andre loves the holidays. Any holiday really. That's the hardest part about his job, being that he's had to work every holiday for over the last two years. Halloween is no different. He always makes sure that we have a pumpkin to carve and candy to hand out to the kids. This year we decided to go with a spider design for the pumpkin.
I wish that this design showcased our artistic abilities, but we bought a pumpkin carving kit a few years back that had a book of templates. We photocopy the templates and then copy and carve. Very easy, and very cool looking if I do say so myself.

It was so great watching Andre give out the candy to the kids. I have talked to quite a few friends about their husbands and Halloween and they would talk about how their beloved would lock themselves down in their basement until all the little ones were gone. Not Andre. I would go up for one group of kids, and then if I was going to go up for the next group, he would grab the bowl out of my hands and tell me it was his turn. He would ask all the kids what they had dressed up as and hand them the correct Jenna approved ration of candy then wish them all a Happy Halloween. It was so adorable to watch. It was one of those moments that reminded me why I love him as much as I do.

Then after all the kiddos were home safely in their parents homes hyped up on sugar we left for our Halloween adventure. The evening was a little cool, so I made sure to bring my hat and mitts. Andre on the other hand didn't think he would get cold so only wore his fall jacket. He froze his ass off. Men, god forbid they listen to us when we tell them they are going to get cold!

Here are some pictures of us as we waited for the walk to start:

Oh Andre, trying to look menacing and scary....my sister couldn't stop laughing when she saw this picture.

The walk lasted about 90 minutes as we wound our way down hiking trails in the middle of the night. It was a beautiful night for a walk. As the guide was finishing the last story of the evening on our way back everyone stopped as the clouds parted so the full moon could guide us back. It was beautiful.

We didn't really experience anything spooky while we were on the walk. There was no howling in the forest or anything like that. I did notice that for the most part the evening was very still, but as the guide was telling the stories every stop there would be a big gust of wind that would stir all the leaves in the trees. I thought it was just coincidence, but it happened on every single stop, during every story. We also noticed a little something extra when we were checking out the pictures later on that night. In this picture you will see the lights on the right shining on ruins from our flashlights, but there on the left through the open window, we can't explain the lights. There was nothing in the back except for branches and beams holding the side walls up. Kind of spooky don't you think?
*I'm writing this on my netbook, so I copied the pictures from facebook, hopefully later I will replace at least this picture with a higher resolution original*
Then at the end of the night as we were hearing some more stories and touring the back of the building (or what is left anyway), a couple offered to take our picture. She was very nice.
See what I mean about nothing behind the building? Very spooky.

I hope everyone else out there had a great Halloween!

Guilty Confession

2009-10-29T11:57:00.003-04:00

I was kind of laughing to myself that I was doing this blog entry right after my Mean to Green (er) post, but oh well. It just goes to show that I am not perfect. I know, I can practically hear you all gasping in shock and horror. My name is Jenna and I am not perfect. (Although please don't tell Andre that, I have been working on keeping up that illusion for over the last 6 years.)

Although I like to do things that are more environmentally friendly I am guilty of doing many (many) things that are not. For instance. I use deodorant. True granola's would shun me for sure. But I am comforted by the fact that my pits smell like yummy cucumber and green tea. Theirs...not so much.

My most recent guilty obsession is the antibacterial soap from Bath and Body Works. I love their scents, especially in my kitchen. We're using this one currently. Andre picked the scent out. All you have to do is google Triclosan and you'll come up with a million and one hits about how dangerous it is for us and for our water ways. It also happens to be the main antibacterial ingredient in B&BW's antibacterial line of products. I just can't help myself. I blame it on the fact that I can finally buy this stuff in Canada after long last, and the recent H1N1 hype in the newspapers that is making me paranoid about killing germs.

Hopefully by the summer I will be back to using our regular non-antibacterial hand soap. Until then my hands will be smelling like Kitchen Lemon.

Mean to Green (er)

2009-10-29T11:26:00.006-04:00

I have always hated mopping floors. I would rather clean my shower, clean my toilet, pretty much anything instead of mopping my kitchen floor. It's just a pain (literally a pain in my back) and it always takes FOREVER to dry. So you're either stuck in a corner or another room anxiously waiting for the floor to dry so you can move everything back.

I tried the bee mop:

But the bee mop takes forever to dry. And I would be using an all purpose or floor cleaner that would leave horrible streaks all over my floors.

I then moved on to the Swiffer Wet:

Let's face it. The Swiffer Wet is a good idea in theory, but not only is the scent a little over powering sometimes, it can leave horrible streaks all over the floor, and you're throwing out a one-use pad every time you clean your floors!

Then this wonderful invention hit the market:

This is the Bissell Steam mop. There are a ton of different varieties. The H2O Mop, The Shark Steam Vac, you get the picture. But I own the Bissell variety. Why do I love this product? It makes washing the floors simple. There is no cleaner needed, just plain old tap water. The cleaning pads are reusable, just throw them in with the dirty towels. Just regular steam cleans your floors. And as long as your husband isn't obsessed with pressing the steam button constantly, your floors will dry fairly quickly.

Now there is still no substitute for getting down on your hands and knees to scrub a floor, but for cleaning up food spills and everyday dirt, this thing is great. It even has the Mr M seal of approval (this mainly means there is minimal grumbling from him while completing a task with said product).

Hello out there!

2009-10-27T22:31:00.003-04:00

I have not disappeared off the face of the earth. Nothing too exciting has happened to prevent me from blogging. Unfortunately it's just boring life that got in the way. Crazy work hours combined with fighting off a variety of viruses that clients have brought into the office I have just been too pooped in the evenings to do much more then have a quick dinner with Andre and then hop into bed.

I know, you are all incredibly jealous of my routine!! I do promise that at some point this week I will do an update, along with another Mean to Green(er) post. I don't dare give you a date though, so you'll all just have to wait patiently!

So Sad

2009-10-14T22:37:00.003-04:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you have heard something that has stopped you in your tracks? Heard something that made you close your eyes and say a silent prayer for the person(s) involved, and then another one in thanksgiving for all that you have. I had one of those days today.

I have posted on a few message boards on The Nest for a couple years now. It was on one of these message boards that I came across When October Falls . You can read about their story here. They found out that their unborn child had a very rare chromosomal defect. The blog follows their journey. This morning I read that she felt the little angel kicking away at 5am, and by 10:30 that morning the doctor could not find a heartbeat. Their angel had earned their wings.

I'm sharing this so that anyone reading this can pray for this family. Pray that they have the strength to get through the labor, and the peace to get through the coming days and weeks.

Mean to Green (er)

2009-10-12T10:40:00.005-04:00

Happy Thanksgiving my fellow Canadians! I hope that you all are either sitting back relaxing from your feast yesterday, or gearing up for all kinds of yumminess today.

In h0nour of the holiday today, I opted not for a product review for this edition but a tip that you could easily do if you were hosting your Thanksgiving dinner. It is simply really. Switch out these:

In favour of these:

It's that easy! Since we bought the house we have hosted two big family dinners, Easter and Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. Each of those times we have opted for our formal china vs paper plates. Would we use actual plates if we didn't have a dishwasher? Probably not. The thought of standing over a sink of dirty dishes for hours after dinner doesn't appeal to me.

For all of you that are sitting there thinking I am absolutely crazy for not using paper, there is something you can do too! Do not put those paper plates in the trash bag so they can linger for years and years in your landfill. Instead, put them in your household compost pile, or put them in your municipal compost bin. That's all you have to do to try and be a little more green this Thanksgiving.

That's all for now. I must get back to the mountain of laundry I have to complete today!

Helen

2009-10-07T09:44:00.004-04:00

That was my great-grandmother's name. Yes, I got to know my great-grandmother. In fact, I even got to know my great-grandfather as well. I was 21 when she passed away. She never got to meet Andre, even though her wish was to see me married off. I believe she was with me though when Andre and I said our vows.

The reason for this trip down memory lane is that I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I've been burning the candle at both ends so to speak lately and I've been paying the price. It seems like every weekend my body has enough and I start to feel like I'm coming down with something. This past weekend was the worst. As I was doing my best to do nothing on my day off on Monday all I wanted was my great-grandma. I knew that she would give me a hug and make me a pot of her homemade chicken soup.

See she was the type of grandma that believed that the common cold or flu could be cured with chicken soup. The moment she found out that anyone had come down with a cold she would immediately hit up her arsenal (the freezer) pull out some chicken and in just a few hours you would be seated in front of a steaming bowl of homemade chicken soup with the biggest (and best) egg noodles. Her soup was the best. And all I wanted this weekend was her soup. It would make me better, I knew it would.

Instead I had to settle for copious amounts of water, COLD FX and sleep. It seemed to do the trick for the time being. But last night when Andre and I went to the grocery store, I picked up an extra whole chicken, they were on sale. I had big plans for this chicken. So last night after we had finished the roasted chicken dinner when the slow cooker had barely had time to cool I threw in the required ingredients for chicken soup.

Here is my recipe:
1 chicken carcass, pieces of chicken, whole chicken. whatever you have
1-2 carrots chopped in three
1-2 celery stalks (with leaves) chopped in three
2 bay leaves
1 onion, chopped into quarters
2-4 cloves of garlic (I love garlic, I added 6)
6-8 cups of water
salt and pepper
sprinkle of paprika (I've been searching for that little something extra, I think this might be it)

Throw everything into the slow cooker, and let simmer on LOW for 12 hours. She wouldn't be happy that I'm not standing over a simmering pot for hours, but lets face it, I just don't have that much time. I like to let my soup simmer overnight.

Take out the chicken and strain and compost the vegetables. Let the broth cool and skim off the fat. Chop up the chicken and add to broth along with cooked veggies of choice. Cook egg noodles, rice, whatever you like and add to broth. Voila! You have soup!

Now I am prepared for whatever the fall throws at me. I know that I can handle it as long as I have some soup just waiting in the wings (my freezer).

Here is a picture of my great-grandparents:

I hangs in our dining room. It's them in their garden in their home in "the city", because all of us that lived on the escarpment lived in "the country". Together with the picture of Andre's departed grandparents that resides underneath, they watch over us. Making sure that we eat our chicken soup and take care of us every time we get sick.